The Mum Reviews

The Christmas Tag – couldn’t resist!

Okay I know I said I was going to stop blogging for Christmas, but this isn’t a blog post, it’s a Christmas tag. My lovely friend over at Me, You, Baby Too tagged me and it simply seemed rude to say no. You should pop over and check out her blog – she is very funny!

So this post is just a bit of fun and doesn’t involve me being creative. Let’s face it. I’m addicted to the internet. I needed to do some internetting today. I promise I’ll get better. But for now…here’s my Christmas Tag interview.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS MOVIE?

For me it’s not Christmas if you haven’t seen some version of A Christmas Carol. I’m not that keen on the Jim Carrey one. I like either A Muppet Christmas Carol or the straight-to-DVD one starring Patrick Stewart. Patrick Stewart is the perfect Scrooge.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A WHITE CHRISTMAS?

When I was little I lived somewhere that used to get very snowy indeed. Sometimes there would even be so much snow you had to dig your way out of the front door. I’m not sure if that much snow ever happened on Christmas day, but all the Christmases were definitely white. In adult life, not so much, but I do think one Yorkshire Christmas had enough snow (or was it on Boxing Day?) that I managed a snowball fight with my nieces.

WHERE DO YOU USUALLY SPEND YOUR HOLIDAY?

In Yorkshire with my husband’s family. There are 18 of us when we all get together!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG?

‘Fairytale of New York’ because I like the sort of Irish-y tune paired with depressing lyrics.

DO YOU OPEN ANY PRESENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE?

Not usually. But this year I’m letting my kids open some presents from friends and neighbours early. We have loads of presents from us to lug up to Yorkshire so I don’t want to take the other presents as well. Saving everything for Christmas Day is overrated IMHO.

CAN YOU NAME ALL OF SANTA’S REINDEER?

Dasher, Prancer, Donner, Vixen, Rudolph, um…nope.

WHAT HOLIDAY TRADITIONS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS YEAR?

Having a drink and chatting with family!

IS YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE REAL OR FAKE?

Real. I wouldn’t mind a fake myself but my husband wouldn’t stand for one.

WHAT’S YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE HOLIDAY TREAT/FOOD/SWEET?

We always have our main Christmas dinner at lunchtime or late afternoon. Then, later, we have Christmas supper. This consists of lots of cheese, chutney, pickles, Yorkshire pork pies and the likes. I love this munchey meal with a glass of port.

BE HONEST, DO YOU LIKE GIVING OR RECEIVING GIFTS BETTER?

It depends on the person I’m giving to. There are some people that are fun to shop for and are then grateful for their gift. In that case, it’s great I’d rather be the giver. But sometimes people are hard to shop for and not very appreciative, which is not so much fun.

WHAT IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?

That’s a tough one. I don’t think anything has ever quite beat the excitement of receiving a ‘Barbie Dream House’ on Christmas when I was about 6. I don’t think adult gifts can ever really compare! But I do love getting a spa voucher. You can let everyone know.

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM PLACE TO VISIT FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON?

I would actually quite like to just be in my own house and have family come to me. It might be stressful but we have never been in our own house on Christmas day before.

ARE YOU A PRO PRESENT WRAPPER OR DO YOU FAIL MISERABLY?

I fail miserably. This year, my husband wrapped and I was in charge of handing him pieces of tape and writing the gift tags.

WHAT MADE YOU REALISE THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA?

I always knew the truth.

WHAT MAKES THE HOLIDAYS SPECIAL FOR YOU?

Wine. Oh and probably my family. Wine and my family together.

I’m not good at thinking of who would like to be tagged for this sort of thing, so if you’d like to participate just let me know in the comments!

Merry Christmas lovely people!

I just wanted to write a quick note to whoever reads my blog that I’m going to take a little break now until after the new year. Thank you for all who have been reading my stuff and supporting this blog since I started in July. I really appreciate it.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year. Look, I made a card:

Blog Christmas card.jpg

See you on the flip side! (Can’t help it, will always be an 80’s cheeseball child.)

xx Nicole

Lessons learned: bus tours are not just for tourists, and always bring a change of clothes

Yesterday 365 tickets gave me the great opportunity to take an open-top double-decker bus tour of London with The Original Tour. I have lived near London and worked there for over 10 years now, so I’m hardly the usual target customer for a bus tour. Us seasoned London-goers imagine that everyone on those tours is fresh off the plane from foreign lands, desperate to gaze at the beauty of our city. But even when I was fresh off the plane, I never took one of these tours. However, I know now that I was missing out.

The main reason I was keen to go on the tour is because my 4-year-old son LOVES double-decker buses. And on previous trips to London I had seen him gaze in awe at the “open” ones. “Mummy, can we go on an open bus, pleease?” And I’d always said no because I figured it wasn’t much different from the normal public transport double-decker buses, except that you would be outside and possibly cold! But I was wrong about that too.

So here is the story of our day, which didn’t quite work out the way we planned, but was still an adventure nevertheless.

The best-laid plans…

On a foggy Saturday morning my son and I excitedly jumped on the train to London. Here we are trying out my new selfie stick. It worked brilliantly for this photo! I had many, many bus selfies planned.

The full plan for the day was to ride the bus from Trafalgar Square, where we picked up our tickets, to Winter Wonderland, where we would stop for lunch and a carnival ride or two. Then we planned to board the bus again to finish the rest of the Yellow Tour. All of the tours are hop-on, hop-off, to enable you to use the buses to get around to see whatever London attractions you’re interested in. You can switch which routes you use over the course of the day depending on where you want to get to. So in theory, you shouldn’t need any other travel ticket the day you take your bus tour.

There are two main sightseeing routes that go past all the major attractions. The Yellow Route is the original tour that covers some key sights. It crosses the river twice and passes the Tower of London, Trafalgar Square, St Paul’s Cathedral, London Eye, The Shard, Tower Bridge and Leicester Square, among other things. This one is a bit shorter and has a real human tour guide telling you interesting stories along the way, and helping you know where the right place to “hop off” is if you’re planning a specific stop.

The other major route is the Red Route, also known as The City Sightseeing Tour. This makes a much longer circuit of London and goes past Regent Street and The Strand – a great way to see all of the Christmas lights this time of year. It has an audio guide, which includes a special children’s commentary to keep your kids entertained.

Both routes go past Winter Wonderland and other Christmas markets.

Your ticket also covers a bunch of other bus routes, along with walking tours and a river cruise. They give you discounts on admission to other attractions, and you also get this excellent little book for your child, full of activities and history.

We decided that the Yellow Route was best for us because it was a bit shorter, and I liked the idea of having a live guide.

An entertaining bus ride

After we picked up our tickets, we waited for a short time near Trafalgar Square to catch our bus. There was a lovely attendant there to help us be sure to get on the right bus.

We hopped on and went straight to the open-top part of the bus. Even though it was a chilly December day, it wasn’t raining, so we decided we could brave the cold for a bit. However, it wasn’t actually cold at all! The way the bus is designed blocked a lot of the wind from blowing in our faces, so we felt relatively sheltered and comfortable. It was great having a view of the sights unfettered by window glass.

The bus did a nice little circuit of Trafalgar Square where I took this picture of the Christmas tree. The tour guide explained how Norway sends us a tree for Trafalgar Square every year to thank us for helping them out during the Second World War.

We then went past the Admiralty Arch and a statue of Charles I on a horse.

I rather enjoyed the joke the tour guide made when he explained that Charles I was one of our shortest ever monarchs … and he was a lot shorter when we were finished with him! He was beheaded during the English Civil War – when Cromwell took over. The Guide asked us to consider how the current Queen goes past this statue during all her major parades, and how sobering it must be for her to pass this statue of her ancestor who died in such a grisly way!

The bus proceeded down Pall Mall past St James’s Palace, then down Piccadilly past the Ritz Hotel and Green Park. Another interesting little story from the tour guide that I hadn’t heard before was a legend about why they call it Green Park. Supposedly, Charles II’s wife Catherine caught him picking flowers for his mistress there, and in a fit of jealousy ordered all the flowers to be removed. Therefore, to this day, the park is only grass with no flower beds. I’m not sure how historically accurate that one is, but it was entertaining nevertheless.

And then it all went a bit pear-shaped…

At this stage in the journey I decided it was time for one of my highly anticipated bus selfies. I stuck my phone into my selfie stick and took aim, and then the screen of my phone went black. As I looked closer, it had a picture of an Android and lots of computer code gobbledegook streaming across the screen! Cue quiet panic while I wonder if my phone has some sort of virus and OMG how am I going to get through the rest of the day without a phone for pictures, maps, communication … all the things I constantly need it for?! I mashed the off button repeatedly to get it to restart. Finally, it did. Sigh of relief.

Then the tour guide prompted us to get off the bus for Winter Wonderland. So much for my bus selfie. Oh well, I thought to myself, I’ll get one when we get back on later.

We walked round to the entrance of Winter Wonderland and my son started complaining he was tired and his tummy hurt. I thought he was just hungry, so we made a beeline for the bratwurst stand. My son is normally a great lover of sausages so I thought this would go down a treat. We shared one and I cut it into small pieces for him. After the first bite, he said it was a little bit spicy. But he kept eating … 2nd bite, 3rd bite and then … it all came back up.

That’s right, dear readers, my son puked up his lunch in the middle of the Bavarian Village at Winter Wonderland. I looked around with embarrassment, but it was so crowded that nobody seemed to notice. I furtively cleaned up what I could and made a quick exit from the scene of the crime.

My son’s coat and clothes were covered in sick and I hadn’t brought any spares! Argh! I was supposed to finish reviewing the bus tour! What to do? My mind sailed through possible solutions to the problem. Should I pop back on the bus – or maybe into a cab for swiftness – to the nearest retail outlet to purchase some clean apparel? But what if this puke was only the first of many? Images of my son being sick down the side of an open-top bus – or worse, on some other people – danced in my head.

In despair I dragged my son out of the park and to the nearest Tube station. I decided to just go straight home and not risk exposing other bus riders to the contents of my son’s stomach. Unfortunately, we had to ride the Tube and then the train for quite some way to get back to our house in Surrey. I had to stop at WH Smith to buy a plastic bag to house his smelly coat because I hadn’t even remembered to pack one! Rookie parenting mistake.

Luckily, the train was not crowded so I was mostly able to avoid offending others with our stench. I think I saw a few people twitch their noses though.

The verdict

I have to send my apologies to the lovely PR person and 365 Tickets, who arranged this review opportunity for me! My investigation of The Original Tour was not as thorough as I had planned it to be. But surely it’s understandable that a poorly 4-year-old was in no state to enjoy a prolonged bus ride?

Despite the shortness of my experience with the tour, I can without reservation highly recommend it. As I mentioned earlier, I never thought those tours had anything to offer a “seasoned traveller” like myself, but I actually found it incredibly relaxing to sit on the bus and hear entertaining stories about London’s history and landmarks. It seems like a great way to get around if you are planning a day out enjoying London’s attractions, and even better at Christmas when there are lights and other festive sights to see.

I think the tour is a great way to get your children interested in history, too. My son loved being on the bus and listening to the stories the tour guide was telling. I would also recommend it to any friends visiting London – even if not for the first time – as it’s sure to teach you things you didn’t already know.

I hope to take my son back someday soon to enjoy the full tour. I’ll just avoid stopping for bratwurst halfway through, and remember to bring a change of clothes and a plastic bag.

Disclosure: It’s not a secret! I received a ticket for the bus tour in exchange for the review.

Being kind to yourself at Christmas

Some of you might have seen the news around this time last year when people started talking about “emotional labour”. This is the concept that on top of the everyday work that women do – whether that is in or outside of the home – we do the extra work of looking after others emotionally. This Guardian article puts it better than I could:

We remember children’s allergies, we design the shopping list, we know where the spare set of keys is. We multi-task. We know when we’re almost out of Q-tips, and plan on buying more. We are just better at remembering birthdays.

I don’t like to make generalisations, but in many relationships, it is the woman that deals with all the admin for children’s schooling (parties, filling in the forms, getting the right outfits on the right day, baking the endless cakes).

I find at Christmas in particular, it is women who get it all sorted out. We figure out what to buy for whom and buy it before our partners have realised it’s December. We send Christmas cards, we arrange drinks or dinner with valued friends, we sort out travel arrangements, and we pack the bags if we’re going away.

Sometimes I think it would be utterly hilarious to let my husband pack the children’s things for a weekend away. Not to rag on him – he does all the cooking in our house and contributes a fair amount to other domestic chores – but he’s clueless at stuff like that. He’d remember to pack clothes but forget things like their cuddly toys to get them to sleep.

All of this remembering who needs what and when can be extremely tiring. This is why I’ve been thinking about how we can look after ourselves at Christmas while we’re usually so busy looking after everyone else. So I have compiled a little list of things I can choose NOT to do, to give myself a little break and be kind to myself this Christmas:

Christmas cards. I have duly purchased cards and planned to send them off to my carefully compiled list. But between real life and blogging life, I don’t know when I’m going to have the time or energy to sit down and write ‘Merry Christmas’ and an address 20 times over. My real friends will understand if I don’t get round to it. I will do it if I have time, and forgive myself if I don’t.

Sitting in front at the Nativity play. My school operates some sort of system where certain classes’ parents get priority seating on certain days of the Nativity play. I can only make the day where I will have to sit in the back. I’m not really sure what happened to good old “first come, first served”. But not everyone can sit in front. I refuse to feel guilty about this. I will be there, and that’s what counts.

Attending events that no one will notice you’ve missed. I felt incredibly guilty last week when work commitments meant I couldn’t attend my 2yo’s nursery Christmas party. I went last year. It was fun. I got to watch him do some party games, eat some party food, and then watch him cry when Father Christmas came to visit. I’m going to forgive myself for not watching him do this again this year. My husband went, so he did have someone there, and my son will never remember the occasion anyway.

Watching my weight. I have some weight loss goals. I’ve been doing okay with them. But December is not the time to keep losing weight. Or even to not gain a bit of weight. It’s all tiring enough without abstaining from food and drink when everyone else is indulging. I’m going to live it up and be miserable and boring in January just like everybody else.

Keeping up with the blog. I would like to vaguely keep posting until we properly break up for Christmas, but honestly I’m not really feeling it at the moment. Christmas is hard enough without churning out sparkling content. That’s why you’re getting this amazing list about what I’m not doing. I’m relatively confident that all my bloggy dreams will not be dashed by slacking off at Christmas.

Baking. Unless you luurve baking because it relaxes you. I like baking, but only when I have loads of time to spare. In previous years, I have always baked some Christmas biscuits to decorate and share with work colleagues, friends and/or family. Not this year. I will buy some boxes of Cadbury’s Roses and everyone will be equally happy (if less impressed by my domestic goddess-ness).

Skipping self-care. When I get busy, the first thing that goes is my self-care. Uncut hair, unpainted nails and no makeup for me! But not this Christmas. These things make me feel like me. They make me feel relaxed and happy. So I’m going to make time for them. Even if that means an extra episode of Twirlywoos on the iPad for the little ones.

Buying lots of presents. I’ve sorted out the presents, but I’ve not been as extravagant or creative as usual. Simple and thoughtful is good enough. People don’t have to gasp in wonder at their presents.

Worrying about how Christmas day is going to go down. Some of us have more responsibility for this than others. I’m lucky enough to NOT be responsible for making the dinner. But I have in previous years worried an awful lot about how much fun will be had by me and others, and gotten upset when things didn’t go well (cue my children having ALL the tantrums and me MISSING the Doctor Who Christmas Special). Well, unlike last year, I am no longer breastfeeding. So I’m just going to drink as much wine as I like and go with the flow. And I can catch up with The Doctor on iPlayer later.

Do you feel a bit burnt out in the run-up to Christmas? What do you do (or not do) to make it easier?

One-pot tuna pasta recipe

I’m all about the quick, 20-minute meal to feed the hungry crowd, and this version of classic tuna pasta is dead easy. I really like the sweetness added by frying off a few onions in butter before adding the tuna. Usually, tinned tuna is simply stirred into the dish, but I fry it a bit with the onions as I break up the meat, and it just adds a depth of flavour without being labour intensive.

You can use gluten-free pasta if you prefer – any shape will do – but I like standard macaroni for this dish. I know it’s tempting to use a tin of condensed cream of mushroom or chicken soup, but I promise this is just as easy and less gloppy. I only want one pot to clean, so I boil the pasta and peas together, make the sauce while they drain, and then toss it all together again. Easy peasy.

You’ll need:

2 cups dry pasta
1 cup frozen peas
4-6 cups water

For the sauce:

1 cup chopped white onion (I use frozen)
2 TB butter
1 tin of tuna
1 tsp dried garlic
½ tsp dried oregano
1 cup single cream or half and half
1 cup shredded cheese of choice (I use mild cheddar for the kids)
Salt and pepper to taste
Optional splash of milk to loosen the sauce as preferred

The Method:

Bring a pot of water to the boil and add your pasta. Adjust the quantities for a larger pot, but this should easily feed a family of four to five people.

After half the cooking time for your pasta, add the frozen peas and bring back to the boil.

Once the pasta is tender, drain the pasta and peas and allow to rest while you use the pot.

Add butter and onions over a med-high heat and allow the onions to go translucent.

Add the tinned tuna and break it up, coating it with the butter and onions, and allow the mixture to fry slightly.

Add the dried garlic and oregano, and mix well before pouring in the cream. Stir well, continuing to break up the tuna and allowing the cream to warm.

Add the cheese a bit at a time, stirring well into the creamy tuna in about three batches. Feel free to add more cheese than stated if you love it!

Allow the sauce to begin to bubble slightly before returning the pasta and peas. Mix well and give it a taste to add salt and pepper as you see fit.

This couldn’t be faster for a midweek meal; most ingredients are staples! Hope you enjoy this no-fuss version of a classic tuna pasta. If you just can’t live without the cheesy-baked top, go ahead and throw it into a baking dish and cover with shredded cheese. I didn’t have the time to oven bake, and this was on the table in 20 minutes! It left me time to play some Uno with the kids.

Taking a holiday from parenting

I’ve been having an unusual time lately. First, I had a minor surgical procedure which meant I had to rest and not pick up my kids or do housework for at least 2 weeks. Now, this week, my “day job” sent me to work at a conference. I’m on the train home now after spending 3 days in a resort hotel. I’m not sure if you missed me, but as a result I also haven’t blogged all week. I have had a proper holiday from parenting and from my normal life.

The conference was actually hard work. I was watching and taking notes at one session after another, and in the breaks I was working at an exhibition stand. There were evening events too, with which came an obligation to “network”, even if such events were pleasantly abundant with good food and booze. So I found myself waking up at 6am and going to sleep after midnight every night – it was hardly a chance to catch up on sleep.

But it wasn’t as difficult or exhausting as parenting.

It got me thinking about how rarely most parents – especially mums – get any sort of holiday from the work of parenting. Stay-at-home parents must experience this particularly intensely. Those of us who work outside the home greatly value our quiet commutes, civilised lunches with colleagues, and hot cups of tea.

While I recovered from my surgery, I was at home but was officially required to rest. I didn’t have to jump up when somebody needed to be fed or changed. I didn’t have to wrestle the 2yo into the bath. I didn’t have to cook or clean or even do the school run. It was pretty amazing to be honest, and I caught up on some neglected Netflix series.

But there were difficult moments as well. I was at home with my children, but not able to pick them up when they cried. I saw my husband struggle with not having enough hands, and wasn’t able to offer him any help (yes it was hard, even if it was also funny). I was not even able to get on the floor to play with my children when they asked me to.

When I recovered from the surgery and was able to do these things again, I was incredibly grateful. I found that even though it can feel like drudgery when you’re doing it every day, I enjoy doing things for my family. I revel in the critical role I play in their lives. My children in particular need me intensely, and I am aware that that is something that will not last forever.

Now that I’ve subsequently been away from my family completely for a few days, I find that there are other things that I take for granted when I’m at home.

For example, at home, I often feel “touched out” at the end of a day after constantly cuddling my children and being climbed on, poked and prodded by them. I am so tired of being touched by others at the end of the day that I just want to be left alone. However at this conference, I have had the opposite situation. I haven’t really touched another human being (beyond the odd handshake) for 3 days!

I am suffering from touch withdrawal. I can’t wait to go home and feel that close connection to other humans again. The more I think about it, the more I actually can’t bear the thought that some humans live all the time without anyone else to touch.

Also, I have had 3 days of completely uninterrupted adult conversation. And most of it was to do with work, so it was also either extremely intellectual or just awkward small talk. Luckily, there were some friendly people there too with whom I could talk utter rubbish, otherwise I might have felt a bit lonely.

That sort of adult conversation is what I normally crave. But having an abundance of it for a longer period of time has made me grateful for the simple and real interactions I have with my family.

Tomorrow morning, I will start my day with cuddles and Paw Patrol. I will deal with poo. I will have protracted conversations about what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I will break up fights. I will calm down tantrums. I will kiss it better. I will repeatedly pretend to eat plastic food, lovingly prepared by my children in their toy kitchen. I will explain for the 5 millionth time why the radiator makes a funny noise. And I’m looking forward to it.

When I tell you that I had a real parenting holiday, and that I found it hard sometimes, I’m sure you’ll be getting out the world’s smallest violin to play me a tune. And I know it’s popular to point out all the hardest parts of parenting. It’s important too – so that people know they’re not alone. But it’s also good to remember that in exchange for all the sleepless nights, the times we’re covered in poop, the endless washing and cleaning, and the downright boredom, we are getting something pretty wonderful in exchange.

I think it was John Lennon who said “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”. So I will try to remember, when I start to get frustrated or bored, that these simple moments are the cornerstone of family life. And importantly, the hard times that we go through as parents are the price we pay to live a life filled with love.

Christmas Carols: A parenting minefield

One of my favourite bits of the bedtime routine is singing to my children. I always sing at least one song to each of my sons before they go to sleep. My eldest usually chooses a song now that he knows my full repertoire, but during the festive season his only guideline is that I sing Christmas songs.

There aren’t a lot of Christmas songs that I know by heart, and even with those I’m probably getting the lyrics wrong. But either way, I find my inner monologue while singing these songs to my son ever so slightly troubling. I worry about what exactly do these lyrics mean and are they really sending appropriate messages to a 4 year old?

Okay, so it’s not a really serious worry. Certainly not big enough for me to stop singing them. But I thought it might be amusing to take a look at some of the weirdest Christmas song lyrics out there.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake

My son pegged this one the other day. “How does Santa Claus see me when I’m sleeping?” I told him it was “magic”. He seemed to accept it. But how creepy is that? No wonder my children look slightly worried in their Christmas photo, if they think they’re meeting the fat bearded man with odd dress sense who has been watching them all night long – ALL YEAR.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Without quoting the lyrics directly, we all know the story of this song. All the mean bully reindeer laughed at poor Rudolph because he had a stupid big red nose. They wouldn’t let him join in their reindeer games (whatever those might be – maybe antler ring toss – Rudolph probs wasn’t missing much).

But then, when suddenly Rudolph gets some extra accolades from the big boss (Santa), and becomes the manager of the Sleigh Guidance Department, all the reindeer “loved” him. The bastard suck ups. I worry that this song is teaching my son that it’s okay to be a shallow arse-licker who bullies people until they want something from them.

Winter Wonderland

My son said the other day that this is his favourite Christmas song. I guess he just likes the tune. I worry about the old-fashioned sentiments.

In the meadow we can build a snowman
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say, “Are you married?”
We’ll say, “No man”
But you can do the job, when you’re in town

What? So this couple is walking around in the snow, they decide to build a snowman, and then they decide to pretend he’s a priest? How random is that? Is it actually both members of the couple, or just one of them trying to propose in an entirely creepy way? “Look, Parson Brown the religious snowman wants us to stop living in sin. What do you say, babes?”

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

I’m not actually worried about my son’s reaction to this one. We both know we’re talking about snow. But the whole time I’m singing this, I can’t help but think of racists. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know. I mean, why don’t you still know white Christmases if you used to have them all the time? Did you move from Finland to Spain? Or are you just a member of the alt-right and speaking in thinly veiled innuendo? It just makes me think of some of the worrisome politics we are facing today, even though that’s obviously not what the song is about.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

This one is pleasant enough, until it gets to the bit about figgy pudding. Bring us some figgy pudding. Please bring some right now! We won’t go until we get some. Bugger off, you spoiled brats. Where are your parents? Get your own figgy pudding.

Silent Night

This one is lovely and soothing. It is definitely one of my favourites. But I have to admit to cringing a bit at the round yon virgin bit. What if the boy asks me, “Mummy, what’s a virgin?” And what do I tell him? Maybe a young, unmarried woman? But that could backfire. He might go around calling people virgins. “My cousin is only 16. She’s a virgin.” But I can’t tell him what it actually means! It’s a minefield. I’ll just mumble the virgin part and hope he doesn’t notice. Round yon mm-mm-mm, mother and child!

What are your favourite Christmas carols? Do any of them have slightly dodgy lyrics?

“Thanksgiving” Green Bean Casserole and Sweet Potato Mash

Having only recently returned to the States after a decade-long hiatus from Thanksgiving, I was mildly overwhelmed by the volume of activity involved in this traditional feast. After spending many years basically forgetting about Thursday’s main event, I hadn’t prepared for the flurry that would surround at least four days of stuffing ourselves, and a turkey. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I also hosted a “Friendsgiving” on the Saturday following the blowout at my parent’s house on Thursday.

That being said, I had nary a moment to snap photos along the way between basting, roasting, caramelising and child herding, so I hope you’ll forgive the lack of step by step pictures this week. What I do have for you though, are three incredibly easy recipes that can be used for a Sunday roast or midweek feast. Trade chicken for the turkey and reduce the time by loads, and you’ll have a dinner to give thanks for – I promise.

Back in the day, a green bean casserole meant tinned beans, condensed cream of mushroom soup and fried crispy onions on top. These days, I prefer to start from scratch to ensure it’s gluten-free and free of wacky preservatives and stabilisers. Not only is it healthier; it’s a million times tastier. My family couldn’t say enough, or eat enough, of this classic side dish with homemade flavour. The sweet potato mash is just my preference to standard white mash, and it adds a lovely sweet balance to the savoury beans and turkey.

Some tips for turkey

For Friendsgiving, I slow roasted a medium-sized turkey coated in honey mustard until it was falling off the bone. At just 110C/225F for 8-10 hours, keep the bird covered with foil and with approximately 2 cups of chicken stock on the bottom of the roasting tin. I add one large onion to the cavity and sprinkle garlic salt to stick to the mustard coating. I started with the breast down and flipped it half way through (4 hours in), increased the heat to 180C/350F and uncovered for the last 15 minutes to crisp the skin. You can do the same with a large chicken, reducing the time to 3-4 hours, for succulent, juicy meat. Always be sure to check the meat is cooked through before serving; all ovens vary!

Green bean casserole and sweet mash

You’ll need:

• 2 medium white onions
• 1 tsp veg oil of choice
• 1 TB salted butter
• 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 tsp fresh or dried garlic minced
• 2 cups chopped fresh mushroom of choice; I use white
• 2 cups double/heavy cream
• 6-8 cups topped and tailed fresh green beans
• 4 pieces of bacon chopped roughly (optional)
• 3 large sweet potatoes
• 2 TB salted butter
• ½ tsp pumpkin pie spice (cinnamon, allspice, clove and nutmeg)
• ½ TB Greek yogurt or soured cream
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Splash of milk or cream to loosen for preferred texture (optional)

The method:

Begin with slicing the onion into long strips and adding them with the oil to a wide pot over a medium heat. The onions will sweat and begin to brown after a few minutes of little stirring. Once they begin to brown slightly, try to stir more often so they don’t fry instead of sweetening.

After ten to fifteen minutes, you should begin to see them all browning, shrivelling and producing a lovely sweet aroma. You won’t need to add any sugar – these release their own natural sweetness that’s impressive.

Once the onions have produced a nice glaze, add the mushrooms and coat them with it. Add in the balsamic vinegar and a tab of butter. Keep stirring until the mushrooms and onions are well blended.

Add the cream and dried garlic, stirring continuously to avoid scorching the cream. Using a non-stick pan is ideal for this, because sometimes the kids need you urgently and you don’t have time to ruin dinner.

Once the cream has incorporated into the onions and mushrooms and reduced slightly, add the chopped bacon and pour the sauce over a baking tray full of halved green beans.

Bake covered at 180C/350F in the top 1/3 of the oven for approximately 35 minutes, or until the beans are tender. Allow to rest for 5 minutes or more before serving.

For the sweet mash, bake the whole sweet potatoes at 180C/350F for 1 hour, or until they’re running juices. I usually line a tray with foil to avoid clean up of the leaky sugars.

Allow the soft potatoes to cool slightly before scooping into a large bowl and discarding the skins.

Add the butter and smash the potatoes and butter until smooth.

Add the yogurt or soured cream and dry spice and mix thoroughly. Taste your mash to be sure it doesn’t need a splash of milk or cream to loosen the texture.

Serve these green beans and this mash as side dishes to any kind of roast and you won’t be disappointed. With the above method for turkey or chicken, it’s amazing. Once the bird is out of the oven, you can easily make gravy with the remaining stock, but the green beans have a lovely gravy of their own that’s delicious. My family and friends were filled to bursting with these moreish sides. Happy feasting!

Why birth plans are a waste of time for first-time mums

Is that a nice controversial blog post title? Well, it got your attention, right? Right. Okay, so birth plans might not be entirely a waste of time. But I think first-time mums in particular should be warned that they very well might be.

You see, when I was pregnant with my first child, nobody told me that a birth plan wasn’t really a plan. It’s more like a sort of wish list. To me the word plan connotes something that I have control over. If I plan to go to work tomorrow, then there is a 99% chance that I’m going to go. There are some conceivable events that could stop me from going, but in all likelihood, it will be purely up to me as to whether I follow through on my plan.

But when it comes to birthing babies, we have very little control as to how things are going to pan out. That is the truth that nobody told little old me. My birth plan was written on my heart. It had the following points:

I wanted to deliver at a midwife-led centre instead of in hospital
I wanted a water birth with only gas & air for pain relief
No induction
No epidural
No continuous monitoring
I was going to have a beautiful, calm, natural birth

I was so certain that these were the things that were needed to help me cope with the delivery. I also thought they were the best and safest options for me and my baby. However, at 10 days overdue I was showing meconium-stained waters with no other signs of going into labour. So this is the birth I got:

Birth in hospital instead of the midwife-led centre
I didn’t even go anywhere near a water birthing pool
I was induced
I had an epidural
I laid on my back the whole time, being continuously monitored
I screamed and cried and swore and was absolutely terrified and NOT CALM the entire time
I had an emergency c-section

It was the polar opposite of what I had wanted.

And I was absolutely heartbroken about it. I had spent so much time thinking about how it was all going to go down, and researching what the best things to do were. When I didn’t get to do any of those things, I saw myself as a failure. For me, failing to have the “natural” (read vaginal) birth I’d planned was like failing at something I thought I was born to do. I’d been gallivanting around telling my friends that my body was built to give birth. And it was. Just not the way I had intended.

I just wish that someone – anyone – had taken the pregnant me aside and told me just how unpredictable giving birth can be. And that at the end of the day, all that matters is that you deliver a healthy baby. So if you’re pregnant now or recently gave birth and are feeling disappointed by the experience, here are a few things that I think need to be said:

Remember that there is a possibility that all plans, wishes and expectations will go completely out the window on the big day. Accept that and don’t dwell too much on a future you can’t predict.

A lot of advice I was given from various sources made me think that I would need to “advocate” for myself during the birth. I would need to keep those doctors and midwives in line by making sure they knew my birthing desires at all times. But when it came down to it, I was too scared and in too much pain to argue about anything. I just did exactly what they told me to. And that was probably the right thing to do, but the earlier advice made me feel as though I’d failed myself by not pushing my agenda.

There is no nobility in facing unbearable pain. If you want the drugs, take the drugs! There is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about if you use every single pain relief method available to you.

It doesn’t matter how the baby comes out. You will give birth in the best way you can, be it vaginally, via a caesarean or with other assistance.

So in my humble opinion, the best birth plan is a plan to go with the flow. How can you plan something that is different every time it happens, even for the same person? But if you think it helpful to write down your wishes with regard to your birth – of course go ahead. Just be prepared that when you’re actually in labour, you may want to crumple it up and throw it at someone – probably your partner.

And if, like me, you are unhappy about how your birth went, then talk to someone about it. Many hospitals offer a postnatal debriefing or counselling service where they go through your delivery notes and explain why things happened the way they did. I took advantage of this service myself and it made me feel so much better about my birth. I stopped blaming myself for it not going the way I wanted.

Before I had the counselling, I was afraid to ever give birth again in case it was equally awful. But the counselling showed me that every birth is different. When I did eventually have a second baby, everything went exactly to plan. Because I didn’t have one!

Should I lie to my children about Father Christmas?

Like most non-parents, before I had my children, I had some pretty strong opinions about how I was going to parent my future children. I remember sitting in my neighbour’s lounge, 9 months pregnant with my first son, saying to her:

“I will never let him watch In the Night Garden. What a ridiculous programme!”

Well ha bloody ha ha! By the time he was 1 year old, Night Garden had become a part of our bedtime routine. He wouldn’t commence bath and story time until CBeebies had actually told him it was time to go to bed. So much for my pre-parent parenting plans.

Another topic on which my pre-parent self had strong opinions was about telling my children the truth. I told anyone who would listen that I would never lie to my children. And that included “lying” to them about the existence of Father Christmas.

I saw an article on Netmums recently saying that researchers have found that “the lie of Santa can actually be damaging”. Now, pre-parent me would have been nodding vigorously to this. I had long conversations with my mother-in-law about how I wouldn’t be telling “the Santa lie” to my children because it would be a betrayal. She understandably disagreed with my thoughts on this.

I worried that if I lied about this one thing, then once they found out the truth they would never trust anything I had taught them. Especially if it was anything that needed to be taken on pure faith without any proof. However, post-parent me feels a bit different.

The thing is, I never truly believed in Santa Claus as a child, but I still went to his grotto every year. My family never went out of their way to convince me he’s real, but they still sometimes gave me gifts from “Santa”. I enjoyed playing the game. It didn’t matter to me whether he was real; it was just fun to imagine he was. I never told them I didn’t believe because I was afraid that would be the end of the fun stuff. I’m sure they knew that I didn’t believe, but none of us cared.

So as my eldest son grew old enough to understand the concept of Father Christmas, I found I couldn’t resist teaching him about the Christmas customs. Soon, I was shamelessly “telling the lie”. I’ve enjoyed getting family pictures at Santa’s Grotto. I’ve loved teaching my son Christmas carols. One of his faves is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. Last year, on Christmas Eve, we even put out mince pies, brandy and a carrot for the reindeer. The brandy was large and the carrot was very, very small.

This year we’ve kicked it up a notch and he’s written his first letter to Santa, which we actually sent off in the post.

So, as with Night Garden, I’ve done a complete 180 degree parenting turn.

The thing is: I’m not sure if it’s really lying. How is it any different from telling any other imaginative story or playing a game of pretend? And importantly, my son hasn’t questioned it yet. The closest he’s gotten is, when listening to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, he asked how Santa can see him when he’s sleeping. I just said “magic” and he was happy with that.

The real test will be if he starts asking more serious questions about whether Santa actually exists. This is where I will draw the line. I don’t care to go out of my way to propagate the fantasy, but at the same time, I don’t want to outright say Santa doesn’t exist. If I told him this, he might ruin it for his friends, and no one is going to thank me for that.

So my plan is to explain that believing in Father Christmas is a game we all love to play in order to make Christmas more fun. That’s why we do it, right? Because it’s fun?

I’m going to tell him that nobody knows for absolute certain that he doesn’t exist, but that it doesn’t matter. The idea is that it’s fun to believe – just like when we pretend to be cats or Pontipines (oh yes, being a Pontipine is a popular pastime in my house). And I will remind him that it’s important not to tell other people if we don’t believe he’s real, because it will ruin the fun.

There may not be a literal jolly fat bearded man hanging out at the North Pole forcing elves to make toys. But the idea of it is a positive way to fuel our children’s imaginations. Just look at all the fantastic books and films that use this popular myth to create a new and different story. It’s a quintessential part of our culture.

So even if Father Christmas doesn’t exist in the real world, he will always exist in our imaginations. Without him, Christmas wouldn’t be half as much fun. And that’s the absolute truth.