Welcome to Week 7 of #EatSleepBlogRT! We’ve have decided to try out hosting the linky on both of our sites so you can now find it on Petite Pudding or The Mum Reviews. If you are a regular reader of one of our blogs, who is also a blogger and hasn’t tried out joining our linky, please join in! It’s a great way to get to know some other bloggers and get inspired with new ideas. If you’ve never joined a linky before and aren’t sure how it works, feel free to DM @themumreviews on Twitter with any questions you have.
The winner of Top Post among last week’s links was What My Fridge Says, “My boobs are not small, they are low fat.”. She writes about an unimaginably difficult time in her life and how it changed her perspective. She is, as ever, inspirational and reminds us how transformational gratitude and self-love can be even in the darkest of times.
We are back to our old ways with Heather from Shank You Very Much(@HeatherKeet) winning the Top Tweeter badge yet again. However, @myrealfairy was hot on her heels so the game is afoot this week.
So, as always, please link your post, comment on the one before you and tweet at least 5 links with the #EatSleepBlogRT hashtag. We’re looking forward to reading your posts. Thanks for joining us.
A guest post by Dr Afrosa Ahmed (MBBS, DFFP, DCH, MRCGPmerit) who blogs at mum2sons
Editor’s note: Dr Ahmed asked if she could guest post on my blog and although many of you might know a lot of the information below, I thought it was still usefully presented. I know when my kids are sick I get stressed and forget the rules. Her explanation of which medicine to give when is particularly useful.
As a GP I often advise on self-care measures when seeing ill children. However, understandably parents are often confused as to which of these common medications to use and for which conditions. Both are available without prescription.
Paracetamol
Can help relieve pain such as headache, earache, and tummy aches as well as reduce fever. It is usually recommended as the first line for pain, as it is relatively safe for most and side effects are rare. One of the brand names for paracetamol is Calpol.
For older children, paracetamol is available as tablets. Tablets should be swallowed whole with a glass of water or juice. They are not to be chewed. (Calpol Fastmelts, however, require your child to dissolve it on their tongue.)
For young children, it can be taken as a liquid form. Shake the bottle well for at least 10 seconds and measure out the right amount using a plastic syringe or spoon that comes with it. Do not use a normal kitchen teaspoon as it will not be accurate.
Your child should start to feel better after about 30 minutes. Always leave 4 to 6 hours between doses and do not give more than 4 doses in 24 hours. Do not give your child paracetamol with alongside other medicines containing paracetamol, such as Lemsip, as there is a risk of overdose which can lead to problems such as liver damage.
Ibuprofen
Ibuprofen is also a painkiller and can help with fever. In addition, it has anti-inflammatory properties, so can be used for injuries such as a sprain. Your child should start to feel better about 20 to 30 minutes after taking it. Give this medicine with food so it does not cause an upset tummy; do not give it on an empty stomach. Brand names include Calprofen and Brufen.
An important fact regarding this medicine is that there are some children who you should not give it to. They include children with asthma, chicken pox (it can cause severe skin reactions) and liver or kidney problems.
What if your child vomits? If your child vomits within 30 minutes of taking ibuprofen, then you can give it again. If it has been more than 30 minutes then do not give again.
Paracetamol vs Ibuprofen
These are both effective painkillers and can reduce fever. However, they work in different ways. For some types of conditions such as swelling (including swollen gums during teething) and sprains, ibuprofen may be better due to its anti-inflammatory properties. Do not give paracetamol and ibuprofen together at the same time. However, if you’ve given paracetamol and they’re still unwell before the next dose is due, you could give ibuprofen. No child under 16 should be given aspirin.
As with all medicines, keep them out of children’s reach and read the leaflet on dosage instructions and other details. Advice about medicines can also be provided by your GP, pharmacist or www.nhs.uk.
I am not a runner. I could never be a runner. My boobs are too big and my ankles too weak. I hate being out of breath. It’s boring. It’s too difficult. It’s raining / hailing / snowing outside.
These are the things I used to tell myself about running. But, more recently, through sheer desperation to get fit in a way that fits around work, parenting and a budget, I started running. I did the Couch to 5K programme, which involves interval training, starting very gently to work up to 5K.
My friends were impressed that I was running 5K. They asked me if I’d thought of doing a 10K running event. NO WAY! said I. Why would I want to do a silly thing like that? I don’t need to prove myself.
But shortly after that conversation, The Children’s Society asked me to run the London Vitality 10K and blog about it in support of their work. My blogging obsession converged with my newfound running skills and a desire to help the charity, and thus began my 10K training journey.
With less than a month to go until the big day, I’m actually amazed at the progress I’ve made. Yes, there have been setbacks: illness, work commitments, very inclement weather and even grief. But at the same time I’ve proved to myself that I can run 8K at a decent speed (and if I can do 8k, what’s another 2k?), and have increased my speed at running 5K. I’m now confident that, barring any disasters, I can complete the 10K on the big day before they close the course (i.e. in less than an hour and a half).
And I want to urge everyone to give running and especially training for an event a try. Unless your GP tells you not to, I believe that anyone can run. And the benefits are about more than just fitness. Here are some of the serious and less serious ways that training for this event has improved my life:
Mental health
Before my training really took off, I was suffering from some serious anxiety problems. But since I really started amping up my running efforts, the anxiety has just disappeared. The running has also been absolutely essential in helping me deal with my grief at losing my grandmother recently. She is my number one top most loved person other than my husband and children. Running has given me space to contemplate and address that loss.
Perseverance
I am so surprised and pleased with myself for sticking with my training. I never do as much as I want to or hope, but it’s clear that there has been an improvement since I started this journey in February. Some people doubted my ability to train for such an event, but I’ve proven that Marty McFly (from Back to the Future if you were born yesterday) is right: “if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything”.
Confidence
I haven’t lost a single ounce of weight doing all this running. Mainly because it makes me mega hungry and I just can’t be bothered to diet on top of all the other stuff going on in my life. But my clothes fit better, my rear end is tighter and I just feel better. I’m technically overweight according to BMI scales (which I don’t entirely agree with), but the running has proved to me that health and fitness isn’t just a number on a scale.
Fashion sense
Running clothes tend to be brightly-coloured and tight-fitting. I have a bright green top, skin-tight running tights and day-glo orange running shoes. Nothing will make you feel more daring than dressing in a ridiculous clashing ensemble composed of bright colours and spandex. It’s made me a bit more confident in my style generally. See featured photo for a representation of the sheer blinding colour of my trainers.
Washing
My commitment to running has increased my commitment to doing the washing because:
(a) Running clothes are expensive. I have two sets and I’m not buying any more. So they need to be washed.
(b) They’re smelly.
And you can’t do just the running clothes as they don’t make up a full load. So I’ve been totes catching up with my washing just because running forces me to do the washing.
And by catching up, I mean the hamper is merely full, rather than overflowing.
I’m running 10k on 29 May and it’s going to be bloody hard work. But the money I’m raising will help children and young people suffering from mental health problems, abuse, debt and a whole host of other rubbish things. If you’d like to help The Children’s Society improve the lives of these kids, please check out my JustGiving page.
Hello and welcome to Week 6 of the rebooted #EatSleepBlogRT. I’m sorry we’ve been missing for 3 whole weeks! Between Easter holidays and me just being utterly overwhelmed with life lately, it just wasn’t possible.
On top of that, we are having some technical difficulties and for that reason the linky is over here on The Mum Reviews instead of on Petite Pudding this week. But we do plan on being reliable now! I hope you will keep on joining us.
My favourite post from last time was by Daydreams of a Mum, “It’s ok to feel crap, even more ok to make yourself feel better”. She makes a very good point about taking time out to look after yourself mentally as well as physically, and also about how people are probably not judging you as much as you think.
And…drum roll + shocked face: we had a new top tweeter! Nicola from Mummy to Dex (@mummytodex) did the impossible and stole Heather’s tweeting crown. She actually tweeted some links more than once. Thanks so much to Nicola for all the sharing. I’m sure Heather is feeling more competitive than ever now so – bring it on. 😉
So, you know the drill: link your post, comment on the one before you and tweet 5 links. It is a bit of work, but I’m loving the little bloggy community we’re building here. Thanks for joining us.
Nicole and Zoe
Linky Rules
You can link 1 post – all subjects welcome
Please put our lovely badge on so that we can show off its fabulous design!
Comment on the post before yours.
Retweet at least 5 posts on twitter using the #EatSleepBlogRT hashtag (including the hosts posts)
Hosts will retweet when you link up (if you tag us in your tweet) and when we comment.
We will pick one post each week as our featured post
There are probably thousands of books out there about pregnancy, not to mention the probably millions of blogs and websites dedicated to the topic. So much so, that upon becoming pregnant the first time round, you may be a bit perplexed as to what to read.
Not everybody wants to know all the nitty-gritty details about pregnancy and birth, and that’s just fine. Your health professionals will tell you all you really need to know. But, if you’re the sort of person who likes to know as much as possible as to what you’re in for, then you’re probably going to be looking for a pregnancy book.
When I was pregnant with my first, I bought books about baby care, because I was more worried about that than the pregnancy part. I googled when I had questions about my pregnancy and enjoyed the sites that compare the size of your baby to a fruit or vegetable each week.
But the problem with google searches is they can take you down a black hole of confusion and self-doubt. There are so many websites, and many of them contradict each other. If you are googling because you are worried about some aspect of your pregnancy, this can get kind of stressful. And it also doesn’t help when you come across forums with lots of people spouting completely random opinions. It’s difficult to sort out fake from fact, and it can really lead to you feeling more confused than you did before you started googling.
A book I was recently sent to review, Pregnancy: The Naked Truthby Anya Hayes & Hollie Smith, is the antidote to late-night pregnancy google confusion. It is an amazingly spot-on collection of all the answers to the most common pregnancy questions and worries, aimed specifically at modern British mums. It is much more down-to-earth, less generalising, less judgemental, and less old-fashioned than other pregnancy books I’ve come across.
Some of the topics it covers include:
What’s safe to eat/drink/do in pregnancy without any scaremongering or overly cautious advice.
Everything to expect in terms of pregnancy symptoms – what’s normal and when you should go to the doctor.
What to expect from different stages in pregnancy and antenatal appointments.
All about work and maternity leave.
Sex and pregnancy.
Getting ready for birth and baby, and what to expect on the big day.
The first few weeks with your newborn.
The best thing about this book is the light, humorous tone it’s written in. It isn’t embarrassed to tell you exactly how flatulent you are likely to be in pregnancy or how loudly you might swear when you’re in labour. It also incorporates first-hand comments from mums who’ve been through it all.
At no point is the book judgemental. It is always realistic (for example when discussing whether you can have the odd glass of wine in pregnancy), and it respects a mum’s ability to decide for herself, given the most up-to-date facts about the matter.
Having already been through pregnancy twice, there was nothing in this book that surprised me. But I learned all of it from stressy googling and (sometimes bitter) experience. This book will prepare you mentally so that some of those aspects of pregnancy no one ever talks about won’t come as too much of a shock.
If you want to know all the secrets of pregnancy that nobody necessarily talks about, read this book. If you like to be prepared for everything, read this book. This is definitely the book I wish I had read when I was a first-time mum-to-be.
I received the book for free for the purposes of writing an honest review.
This is a curry recipe with cabbage, and before you x out of this page, let me just say it’s neither smelly nor stringy. I must admit I was slightly scared of cooking cabbage; coleslaw is great, but I’m not a big bubble and squeak fan, so my main experience with cooked cabbage has been bland, smelly and limp. That being said, cabbage is really good for you, and I’m always trying to find new ways of forcing veg ingestion upon my children, so when they turned their noses up at coleslaw, I thought I’d trick them into the rest of the slaw. I bought a big bag of pre-shredded cabbage and carrot that you’re meant to add dressing to for coleslaw, but it ended up helping create to most delicious curry.
My daughter is my biggest food critic, but she’s also my biggest fan if I make lentils for dinner. At 4 years old, she’s determined to polish off any vegetarian meal I make, convincing me she’s going to refuse meat any day now. As long as I have a half an hour to allow the lentils to soften, I’ll make this type of dish for lunch or dinner. This particular recipe took about 45 minutes from start to finish, but I was faffing a bit. The depth of flavour that the spices and cabbage add are gorgeous – sweet and savoury, and a little bit creamy. I hope you’ll give it a try, even if you don’t think you like cabbage, because I was surprised by how sweet and tender it was in this curry.
You’ll need:
1 tablespoon veg oil
1 tablespoon butter
1 cup crushed or diced tomato (tinned is easiest)
1 teaspoon dried mustard powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon ginger powder
1 teaspoon dried cumin
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon turmeric powder
½ teaspoon paprika
1 cup dried red lentils (rinsed well)
2–3 cups shredded cabbage (I used a coleslaw pre-shred with a bit of carrot)
1 cup chopped coriander/cilantro (I use my scissors and just snip into the pot)
½ teaspoon chicken (or veg) stock concentrate, or 1 dried cube
1 tablespoon brown sugar
4–6 cups of water to cover and periodically top up until the lentils are softened
½ cup Greek yogurt
The method:
First things first: find a wide, deep pan and add the butter and oil over a medium-high heat.
Once the butter is melted and the oil is warm, add your dry spices and give them a quick stir before adding the tomato and incorporating into the oil and spices. This will allow the spices to lightly fry without burning, and the tomato to reduce.
Add the chicken stock concentrate or cube and mix it into the tomato and spices; you’ll add water later, so don’t worry if it’s not fully mixed in.
Ensuring you’ve thoroughly rinsed the dried lentils, add these to the tomato mix and stir well.
Cover the lentil mixture with the shredded cabbage and add about 1 cup of your water. I find keeping a full kettle on hand the easiest for eyeballing the water additions. Reduce the heat to a medium-low while covered to save scorching the bottom.
Keep the cabbage on top without stirring it in and just cover it for about five minutes. This gives you the perfect chance to start your rice, or pull out the pita or naan for serving. I usually cook jasmine rice with chicken stock and a little garlic and herb spice, but that’s just because I like my rice to have flavour of its own.
Once the cabbage has wilted, and created some of its own water, give it a good stir to incorporate the lentils and check the water level.
Sprinkle in the brown sugar and add the coriander, and mix into the curry before adding about 2–3 cups of water, or enough to cover the mixture.
Incorporate the water before covering and allowing to simmer on medium-low heat for another 10–15 minutes. The cabbage will continue to reduce as the lentils soften, so you shouldn’t need more water, but keep an eye on your creation.
Once you’re satisfied with the tenderness of your lentils, reduce to low (or switch off the heat if you’re serving straight away) and add the Greek yogurt. This will mellow the spices and add creaminess to the curry.
Serve this over rice, or with toasted pita or naan bread. Add a splash of lemon juice to your serving for a citrus burst and enjoy!
When it comes to clothes, I am NOT an online shopper. I find it very difficult to find clothes that fit properly and flatter my size 16 shape, and I hate the idea of having to ship back an item of clothing that I bought online when I find that it doesn’t fit or flatter.
The other clothing problem I have is that I am a mum of small children. This means 2 things:
Having babies has changed my shape from what it was before and I’m no longer entirely sure what looks good or fits me.
I have no time to comb the high street to find nice clothes.
These two problems are compounded by the fact that much of what is available on the high street caters to women who are a size 12 or less. If I pop into New Look or Dorothy Perkins, size 16 is usually the largest size I can find on the rack. And then it still won’t necessarily fit. It will either still be too tight, or it will just be a massive shapeless tent.
Many high street stores just have a single template for an item of clothing. To make the item a bigger size, they just scale it up. This does not take into account that the proportions and shape of a size 16 woman are very different from that of a size 8 woman.
So this is why I was very interested in the opportunity to review clothing brand Celuu. Born from 50 years’ experience of British design, Celuu offers clothes in sizes 12-22. They aim to follow current fashion trends while still being comfortable and wearable for a normal person. Here is a little gallery of some of their current offering:
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The thing I like best about them is their “fit philosophy”. They adjust the design features of the clothes individually for each size in order to make sure they fit properly. This avoids what I like to call the “tent effect” of high street fashion – in which clothes that might have looked attractive on a size 10 look like a shapeless tent on a size 16.
Putting it to the test
Celuu sent me a top of my choice to try out. They have a brilliant size guide on their site in which you can use your body measurements to find out the right size for you. However, I didn’t use it. I just went for my usual size 16 to see how that would compare to the size 16 clothes I’d been trying in high street shops recently (and let’s just say I came away empty-handed and disappointed from all of those trips).
I chose a floral print tunic top that looked like it had a bit of shaping in the waist. I was hoping it would be able to handle my ample bosom and give me a waist. The verdict: I loved it. I even wore it to a blogger event and shouted about it on Instagram:
It fit effortlessly and made me feel really confident and fashionable. The fabric had a nice feel to it and didn’t get creased while I was wearing it – very important as I only iron for weddings, funerals and job interviews.
Like any online shop, if something doesn’t fit or you don’t like it when you’ve received it, you can return the item free within 14 days. But as I said before, that seems like so much of a faff. However, Celuu’s sizing method along with some great photography on the clothing product pages has reduced that risk for me. I was so pleased that the top looked just like I imagined it would after having seen it on the model on the product’s page. There was no photographic trickery or things surreptitiously pinned to sit nicer, the way that high street stores sometimes do on their mannequins.
I also love that the store focuses on sizes 12–22. It seems like there are plenty of stores out there catering for women who are smaller than a size 12, so why shouldn’t there be a shop that focuses on the rest of us? This brand allows us to love the way we look – and feel confident just the way we are – instead of thinking we need to slim down in order to wear beautiful clothes.
Celuu might just have made an online clothing shopper out of me! If you want to give it a go, you can get 10% off your order by entering the code “comp10” at checkout.
Competition: Win a £1000 wardrobe upgrade
To celebrate the launch of their new Spring/Summer range, Celuu are giving one lucky person the chance to win a £1000 wardrobe upgrade! The winner will get to choose a range of clothing from the website up to this incredible amount and really make this season one to remember. Entrance to this exclusive competition is easy: just sign up on Celuu’s competition page, and you will be in with a shot of winning this fabulous prize. Hurry though – the competition closes on the 8th May. Good Luck!
Disclosure: I received an item of my choice to keep from Celuu’s website in exchange for an honest review and sharing their competition details.
I think most people who read my blog will agree that parenting is bloody hard work. And in the early years, it can sometimes feel a little bit exhausting, a little bit boring, and more than a little bit lonely. If you are already disagreeing with me, you’re probably not my ideal reader, but feel free to judge away because this is my truth.
As babies, our kids are cute and cuddly, but they just eat, sleep and poop all day. Spending your days at home with your little poop machine can get pretty boring and lonely, no matter how much you love them or how grateful you are to have them. I now look back fondly on the days of binge-watching Netflix with a baby constantly attached to my boob, but I have no desire to return to them.
Then they become toddlers and they have minds of their own, but those minds aren’t terribly logical. You’re constantly chasing after them to keep them out of trouble. Often their only thank you for your efforts is a tantrum because you wouldn’t let them jump into that pond and drown.
Toddlers are more interactive, and some parents love playing age-appropriate games with them and letting them get messy with crafts or rolling around in the mud. For me, though, however much I value spending time with my toddler, I’m not super into toddler games. I can only build the train track once or twice before I’m feeling pretty bored. I can’t stand messy play. My toddler won’t let me help with his colouring. Seriously, he steals the pen out of my hand and puts the cap back on. And he still isn’t much of a conversationalist.
Baby and toddler parenting is physically and mentally exhausting. You need to have oceans of patience and be able to to function on very little sleep. But for anyone still in these years and feeling a bit worn out, I have good news:
It gets easier.
My eldest is now 5, and in the last couple of months I have seen such a change in him. He’s suddenly fun! Okay, he has been fun since day one, in the sense that he’s my lovely little boy/bundle of joy/etc. But he’s suddenly started enjoying and being able to do things that I also genuinely enjoy.
With him, I’m no longer needing to remind myself not to look at my phone after he’s “cooked” me a plastic piece of chicken in his toy kitchen for the 10th time in a row. I don’t have to hover over him at the playground to stop him falling on his head. I almost never have to help him wipe his bottom. The less pleasant or boring parts of parenting him are melting away and being replaced by all the reasons I wanted kids in the first place.
1. We have fantastically interesting conversations. My boy asks me questions about life, death and the universe that really challenge me and make me think. I love trying to explain things to him in a way he’ll understand. It’s teaching me a lot, realising how hard things can be to explain. Even simple things like explaining what a play is – as in a theatrical production – can be an interesting challenge if you don’t just resort to Google.
2. He can draw and write all by himself. My 2yo loves drawing but I have to watch him like a hawk so he doesn’t draw on the walls or start eating the pens. But my 5yo can entertain himself long enough for me to have a hot cup of tea, and he draws better than I do now. And the drawings are so sweet. Here is one of my favourites:
3. He can do cultural stuff. During the Easter holidays I took my 5yo to the British Museum. Now, I might take my toddler to a place like that, but only if I could keep him securely strapped into his buggy the whole time. Otherwise, he’d be chewing on some priceless ancient sculpture before I could say “Mesopotamia”.
But the big boy looked at giant Buddha statues and said “wow”. He listened when I tried to explain the history to him. We happened across a brilliant display where a museum attendant was allowing people to hold ancient coins. My son was fascinated by the coins, carefully examined them with a magnifying glass, and held them so gently. I was in ecstasy that suddenly I could share a museum visit with my son in a way we both enjoyed.
That’s real currency that was thousands of years old, and we got to hold them! The bottom-left is a Piece of Eight, like pirates had. Aaargh.
I also took him to Chartwell, Winston Churchill’s country home, and was amazed that he was quite happy to walk through the house with me and let me explain what a typewriter is and other anachronisms.
4. He can play video games with me. When I realised I was going to have 2 boys and never a little girl, I did have to take a minute to mourn that there were loads of girly mother–daughter moments I was never going to experience. But I’ve never been all that girly anyway, and I knew that little boys were more likely to share my interest in video games. This promise is now coming to fruition in my 5yo. We’ve started playing Lego Star Wars together on the Wii U and it’s really fun for both of us. We make a great team and neither of us has gone over to the Dark Side just yet.
5. He eats normal food and behaves on picnics. The featured photo is him eating a Subway sandwich at Chartwell. Finally, I can take him out and buy some random food instead of packing like we’re camping for a week every time we leave the house. It’s lovely to be able to have fast food treats from time to time. And even better that we can have a picnic without him wandering off a million times or trying to feed his sandwich to an angry swan (I’m looking at you, 2yo).
6. He’s becoming considerate. As sweet and cuddly as my 2yo is, it is all on his own terms. He suits himself, and that’s fine. But it’s a beautiful thing to see my 5yo beginning to notice how other people feel. He can tell if I’m a bit down and he comforts me. If someone is unwell, he makes them a card. He even willingly shares his food with me sometimes.
It sounds like I’m a bit down on toddlers in this post, but that’s not the intention. I’ll maybe write something soon about the upsides of the toddler years – because there definitely are some. But I had to share my delight at being able to share things I love with my older son and have him begin to understand. He’s changed from baby to child, and he’s going to keep growing up from here. I hope that sharing interests in this way and having some good times will help form a basis of trust that will serve us well when we hit tougher times, because goodness knows growing up is hard work.
What is this life if, full of care We have no time to stand and stare.
– William Henry Davies
These words have been repeating in my head over the last week or so. They’ve been in my head because my grandmother, who brought me up in my early years, died on the Sunday before Easter. I knew it was coming. And yet knowing didn’t make that final news any easier.
I was at my sister-in-law’s house and we were getting ready for a day out. I looked up from the email on my phone telling me the news, and suddenly my world had changed. The colour had drained from it. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Grief is a hard taskmaster. It doesn’t matter how long or short a time you had with someone you love. It is not comforting to think that it “was just their time” or any other platitudes people always say. They might be true, but you need to take some time to process your feelings in your own way. You deserve time to reflect, and the person you love deserves it too.
But I had no time to stand and stare. Off we went on the day out, me “not wanting to make a fuss”, chasing around after my children and acting like everything was normal. And it continued through all of the next week. My eldest was home from school and I had all the time off work for once. I’d planned lots of fun activities for us and I didn’t want to disappoint him.
But all week I was wishing I could just stop and grieve. To quote another poem:
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone … Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message, [S]he is dead.
– W.H. Auden
I had to keep going, but I wanted to stop. People would ask how I was doing and I felt like it was a stupid question. Everything should stop. She is dead. The world has changed forever. She is dead. Could everybody just stop going about their daily business please? She is dead.
But the world doesn’t stop.
I felt angry at first that I couldn’t stop and grieve the way I wanted to. But now my son is finally back at school, and I have a day off and I can do what I want, I think he saved me as well.
If she had died before I had children, I would have fallen apart. I probably would have gone to bed and felt sorry for myself for days and days. But instead, I was able to focus on these little people who needed me more than I needed to be sad. I knew I would have time to remember my grandmother. But in the meantime I was able to spend time with people who love me just as unconditionally as she did.
And it made me feel grateful that the only mother I’d ever known had lived to see me become a mother. Not everyone is that lucky. And it made me think that, while feeling sad is okay, the reason I feel sad is a blessing. To move away from poetry to slightly more popular culture:
A heart that’s broken is a heart that was loved.
– Ed Sheeran
I am so sad to lose her because she was a good parent to me. And I’m finding the best way I can remember and honour her is to apply her example to my own parenting.
So here are some parenting lessons my grandma taught me.
My grandma and me on my 1st birthday
She was always gentle
There is no doubt that she told me off and disciplined me when it was necessary. I remember having a tantrum so bad one time when she wouldn’t let me stay up late on New Year’s Eve one year because I’d done something naughty. I was pleading to stay up by crawling on the floor and accidentally bashed my buck front tooth on the floor, splitting it in half. Ouch!
But she didn’t yell at me. She reasoned with me. She told me when I was disappointing her. And I never wanted to disappoint her. She taught me the value of being good for its own sake. And no matter what I’d done, she was always ready to give me a big hug.
So this week, when my children tried my patience, instead of getting cross and shouting, I’ve been giving them big hugs. It’s surprising how easy it is to fix things with hugs.
She always listened
From when I was a toddler who wanted to pretend to be a cat or keep snails as pets, to being the woman who needed to talk about my PND, my grandmother always listened to me. I was always able to tell her absolutely anything and she would just listen. She wouldn’t tell me what to do. She didn’t judge me. She wouldn’t make it all about her. She wouldn’t change the subject. She would just quietly take it all in and say something comforting.
I want my children to tell me important things when they’re adults, so I’m going to listen to them starting now, even if it’s that same knock-knock joke I’ve heard a million times.
She shared my pride and gave me confidence
If I was proud of something I’d done, I could call and tell her about it and she would be just as enthusiastic as me. She would never be unimpressed, or think that the achievement could have been bigger or more prestigious. Right down to when I would try hard to dress up nicely for a meal out. I remember she would always say “ooohhh” in admiration for my looks. She never tried to make me be like her, or like she might have wanted me to be. She was impressed by who I was on my own terms.
Our children don’t always turn out to be who we expect, but we should always love them for being themselves and trying their best.
She taught me kindness
When my grandma first moved to Florida, she found her house was infested by small lizards and tree frogs. They were little green frogs that made noises like puppies barking. She would catch the frogs and gently put them outside. But they would keep coming in.
Some people’s next move would be to call some sort of exterminator. But not my grandma. She put little dishes of water out all over the house so the frogs wouldn’t get dehydrated. She went to the pet shop and bought mealworms to feed them. Every evening before bed she would walk through her house calling the frogs and would hand-feed them those nasty little mealworms.
She fed the lizards too. And stray cats. Birds. Even the squirrels. They would all eat out of her hand like she was Snow White. If only they would have done the housework for her too!
Her example of kindness even for creatures that others treat as pests is something I remember every day. She taught me to turn inconvenience into a chance to be kind. I only hope that, through example, I can show my kids that it is always better (and easier) to be kind than to be cruel.
Moving forward
And so I am getting used to a world in which I can’t call my grandma and tell her about my day. She can’t share in my successes or commiserate with me about my failures. And it’s going to take me some time to get used to that. And I’m going to feel sad. And some days, I’m not going to be okay about it.
But I know that she hasn’t left me completely. She’s there when I hug my children, when I listen to them and talk to them softly. She’s there when I sing them to sleep. And I will never stop feeling grateful for her giving me a gift of love that I can pass on to my children.
Just a little note to any subscribers or regular visitors that I haven’t forgotten you. I’m fine and I’m not giving up blogging just yet! I’m just enjoying Easter holidays with my schoolboy who is rather good company these days.
We’ve visited Fountains Abbey in North Yorkshire, Coram’s Fields, the British Museum, and Chartwell so far! We’ve also been playing quite a bit of Lego Star Wars on the Nintendo.
I’ll be back from Tuesday onwards with plenty of new stuff, including some posts about our days out and our shiny new National Trust membership. It’s burning a hole in my pocket because I want to be sure I get my money’s worth!
The Mum Reviews 