The Mum Reviews

An exercise in thankfulness

This week it’s Thanksgiving in the USA, where I lived until I was 22. It’s a day every year where people come together to eat ridiculous amounts of food and then fall asleep in front of the TV. It’s sort of like an extra Christmas without the presents or the religion. I won’t go into the full history of it here, but if you want to know more, then this article in the Telegraph is pretty informative.

For some, Thanksgiving is just about having a good time and they don’t think much about what it really means. However, for many, we like to take a moment and think about what we are grateful for in our lives. And a cursory Google search on the term “being thankful” brought up numerous articles explaining how gratitude can actually make you healthier.

But it’s not always that easy, is it? Children need looking after, houses need cleaning, work needs doing, family members need help, you get health problems, you have a bad day, people are jerks … all of the things that happen in a normal life can pile on top of each other and weigh you down until you forget to look up and remember what’s good.

I’ve been feeling a bit weighed down lately myself – so much so that I’ve started having heart palpitations and even panic attacks. My doctor’s only suggestion was to “give up coffee”. Oh right, like that’s going to make me less stressed!

But I have decided that as it’s Thanksgiving, I’m going to make an effort. I don’t bother with the turkey and all the fixings now that I live in the UK (I get enough turkey at Christmas, thanks), but I do think taking time out to be grateful is time well spent. So here is my exercise in thankfulness. I’m going to tell you some of the things that are pissing me off, and then find something related for which I’m thankful. Some are serious – some less so – but hopefully some of you will get where I’m coming from.

I’m not happy about…

…the fact that my older son is still not getting on well at school. He screams at the teachers and runs aways down the halls. Yesterday the teacher actually called home to tell me what he’d been up to. His behaviour at home has gone downhill as well. This is despite a recent visit to a paediatrician who basically thought he was fine. I’m at a loss as to how to help him right now.

But I’m grateful for…

…my son. We are having these issues but he is still my child and we love each other. There’s nothing better when I hear him say “I love you” in his little voice. We can play and giggle and have a laugh. I am not the perfect parent and I need to learn how to work with him to improve his behaviour, but we will always be a team.

I’m not happy about…

…having lost a friend recently. He passed away and I’d not made the effort to see him for a while. And so I felt grief but also guilt. I messaged him just before I found out what had happened, but it was already too late.

But I’m grateful for…

…the fun times we had together. I’ve spent some time looking at old photos and remembering, and enjoyed a pint of Guinness (his favourite) in his honour. Remembering the good is the only way to move forward. I’m also grateful for the lesson I learned about keeping in touch with people. Next time I think of a friend, I will message them straight away, while I still have the chance.

I’m not happy about…

…being sore and weak while recovering from the hernia surgery I had recently. I haven’t been able to pick up my kids or even leave the house for the last week and a half.

But I’m grateful for…

…the prospect that this will improve my long-term health. Plus, the leaflet they sent me home with says I must not do the washing or hoovering for 6 weeks! It’s right there in black and white. I’ve shown it to my husband.

I’m not happy about…

…my lack of interior design skills. My house is so cluttered, with my main decorating accents being brightly-coloured plastic toys. I look with envy at beautiful lifestyle blogs and their owners’ skilled arrangement of attractive scatter cushions. I have scatter cushions that my neighbour gave me after she bought some nicer ones. It was my house or the bin for them. Appropriate – since at my house they are often covered in cat hair and biscuit crumbs.

But I’m grateful for…

…the fact we’re nearly finished building an extension to our house. It’s been hard having builders around and everything in upheaval for the last 5 months, but soon we will have more living and storage space. Hopefully I will then be able to cut the clutter. I doubt I’ll get any better about scatter cushions though.

I’m not happy about…

…being rubbish at Instagram. This is a blogger gripe. I know good bloggers are expected to take fabulous photos and share them on Instagram. But I just don’t really “get” photography. To me, it’s what the picture makes you think about, rather than the aesthetics. And I hate the shallow “great feed” comments you get.

But I’m grateful for…

…the people who follow me anyway! Why anyone beyond my close friends are happy to look at a poorly-lit photograph of my dinner is beyond me. But they do. I even got 30-odd likes on a shot of my messy living room full of packages of laminate flooring and plaster dust. So I’ve decided to keep it real on Instagram. I’m going to post pics of my real life and just be happy with the followers who want to see it.

I’m not happy about…

…what I like to call the Christmas conundrum. I’ve been working hard to get fit and be happy with the way I look for a school reunion I have coming this summer (don’t we all want to be fabulous when we see the people we grew up with after a long time?). The surgery has set me back a bit, and now we’re getting into Christmas. How can I eat ALL the mince pies without compromising my fitness goals?

I need to try all the different brands. Let’s call it blog research.

But I’m grateful for…

…the fact that I can choose to binge on pie or not. Some people can’t afford to buy all the pies, or can’t eat pies for other reasons. I’m thankful for the very existence of pie. And wine. Let’s not forget to mention wine.

But really, why bother?

Being thankful often gets a bad name. Insensitive people try to cheer up a person who is grieving or having a bad time by pointing out that they have things to be thankful for. But it doesn’t work that way. Everyone needs to talk about things that are making them unhappy, and being thankful can’t always fix things. It’s also important to be honest about our own feelings.

But forcing myself to write down some of the things that make me happy – thinking about what’s funny, what’s serious, what’s poignant and what I have learned – has already made me feel calmer and more in control. I’ve taken a break from exercising my body, but taking some time to flex my thankful muscles has helped me lose some of the weight I’ve been carrying on my shoulders.

What things are you stressed out about? What are you most thankful for? Let me know in the comments.

Come to the Dark Side. We have cakes. (bakerdays review & giveaway)

When bakerdays contacted me to ask if I’d like to review their range of Christmas cakes, I was so excited. Somebody wants to give me cake in exchange for my blogging! I must be getting good at this blogging malarkey.

I excitedly checked their website and quickly found that I could choose from a wide range of Christmassy designs, and personalise the text on the cake. Because I am a bit of a sci-fi geek, I quickly chose the one with Darth Vader wearing a Santa hat, and added my social media handle to promote myself and stuff (as you do).

I was totally lacking in Christmas cheer until Darth Vader popped through my letterbox in cake form.

A cake through a letterbox? What is up with that? Well, let me tell you.

Cakes like my lovely Darth Vader cake above are designed to fit through a letterbox. You can send them as a gift to a friend with whatever picture and text you would like. You can choose from a wide range of clever designs on the bakerdays site, or upload your own pic.

And they’re not just for Christmas. You can send them for birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations of lost virginities … whatever you like. There are even One Direction cakes, if that’s your thing. And they are available for next day delivery, because we all forget birthdays until Facebook reminds us. They are 5″ in diameter and produce at least 4 servings of delicious cake to be consumed with the hot drink of your choice. Or booze. I like heating mulled wine in the microwave.

I think these cakes would make an excellent alternative to sending a greeting card. You know when you want to send something to someone, and a card just isn’t enough? But you don’t want to spend lots of money just to send something naff that they won’t even want? These cakes are the perfect solution. Everybody likes cake, right? And you can put their name and a picture of your kid on it (e.g. I love you grandma), or include some lame inside joke that only the two of you understand.

The cakes come in 5 different flavours: vanilla, chocolate, fruit, half & half, gluten free or dairy free, so you can even send it to your vegan friends. I chose the chocolate cake and it was absolutely delicious. I couldn’t believe that this cake got sent through the post, got dropped through my letterbox, fell 3 feet to hit the floor with a bang, sat on my kitchen worktop for a week before I got round to opening it, and was still intact and utterly scrummy.

It came impeccably presented in a small cardboard box, which I opened to reveal a neat little tin (that I can keep and reuse) and a Christmas cracker. The cracker added extra fun for my kids and included a paper crown, a joke and some Christmas stickers.

The cake was moist and chocolatey with a sturdy but not overwhelming coating of icing. My favourite bit was cutting into Darth Vader’s head.

Darth Vader's head.jpg — There is no hope for me now, son.

However, you might be able to tell by now that I am easily pleased by sugary goodness and free stuff. But my little monkeys are much harsher critics. I can faithfully report that both of them enjoyed their (very small) share of the cake (because Mummy hid in the pantry and had an extra piece). Here is my youngest shouting for more:

So I highly recommend these letterbox cakes as affordable gifts for any occasion. They also do larger cakes – up to 12″ – if you need to feed more people and don’t feel like baking (but big ones won’t fit through your letterbox).

Would you fancy receiving a free letterbox cake of your very own? Of course you would. It’s free! It’s cake! What’s not to like? Please click on the link below to enter my Rafflecopter giveaway and you will be able to choose which personalised letterbox cake you’d like.

COMPETITION NOW CLOSED (VISIT GIVEAWAY PAGE TO WIN FREE CAKE)

If you’d like to learn more or even go ahead and buy a cake, then please check out the bakerdays website.

How do you feel about cake? What would your personalised cake look like?

Giveaway terms & conditions

This competition will open on 23nd November and will close on the 3rd December at 12am GMT.
One winner will be selected at random.
The winner will receive a personalised letterbox cake to be arranged in liaison directly with bakerdays
UK entrants only
No cash alternative will be offered
The winner will be announced on The Mum Reviews’ social media outlets, not the blog
The winner will have 28 days to respond to their winner’s email

Disclosure: I received a cake for purposes of this review but all views are my own.

The Night Before Christmas ebook

I get very excited about introducing my children to Christmas traditions, and one of the ones I’m keen on is reading the famous poem The Night Before Christmas (originally by Clement Clarke Moore) on Christmas Eve. I get excited when I hear the opening words:

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Last year, I shopped quite a while to find a copy of the poem set out in an appealing children’s book. I found one with some very classic, old-fashioned illustrations. I wrapped it up with the intention of offering it to my then-3-year-old son on Christmas Eve. I thought he would enjoy unwrapping a present “early” and then sharing this lovely story together. However, after he unwrapped the book, he didn’t want to read it!

My son loves books and reading so I was very surprised. However, occasionally I pick up a book and he refuses to look at it. I can only assume it’s because there’s something about the illustrations or design that doesn’t appeal to him. Unfortunately, this was the case with the book I bought last year. He just wasn’t interested. It still sits rather forlorn and unloved on his bookshelf.

So I was pleased when NurseryBox approached me and asked me to review their newly published ebook version of the story, by Rose Collins.

The story has been adapted and illustrated with modern children in mind. As you can see from the cover, the illustrations are bright, cartoonish and recognisable to a child’s vision of what Santa’s reindeer might look like. When Santa himself appears, he has the big red outfit and chubby cheeks one would expect (unlike the version I bought last year, which had some sort of skinny Scandinavian-style Santa).

The family that Santa visits also happens to be friendly bears instead of humans – and you and I both know how much kids love a bit of anthropomorphism.

Another twist that I like is that it makes an extra effort to be gender inclusive. What’s that, you say? Well, I actually emailed the person who sent me the book to say that there’s a typo. One of the reindeers is called “Donna” instead of “Donner”, I told her. She told me that this was intentional! NurseryBox did market research with their audience, and girls had said they were disappointed that all of the reindeers were boys. So they took advantage of the homophone and changed the male Donner into a female Donna. What a lovely idea!

So I like this book, but I’m not the one who’s important. I put it to the real test and read it with my 4yo. To my delight, he loved it! And he’s extra excited that we can put it on his tablet for him to look at on his own. This year he is aware of our plan to read it on Christmas Eve, and looking forward to it. And I’m so excited that we can share this classic bit of literature in a format we can both enjoy.

If you would like to buy The Night Before Christmas by Rose Collins, you can purchase it for less than £2 from Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Noble or Google Play.

Disclosure: I received a copy of the ebook for the purposes of this review.

Layered enchilada casserole recipe

I grew up in Los Angeles, and Mexican and Latin foods are comfort foods for me. For over a decade, I lived in the UK, outside of London (where there would have been wider choice of ingredients), and I struggled to find the ingredients for most of my favourite dishes. I even imported things like roasted, diced chillies, and chipotle spice via home visits or care packages from my mum. These days, however, even a local Tesco has a good chance of having most of the ingredients for this recipe – the times, they are a’changing.

I am a big fan of enchiladas. They’re especially nice for my husband’s wheat/gluten allergy, as they’re a corn tortilla dish instead of flour. The enchilada sauce (basically watery chili powder) can be bought in a tin or jar, and it saves a step and a pan. You can buy enchilada packs in the supermarket, and it should have corn tortillas and the red enchilada sauce. If you prefer to use Quorn over beef, it’s also vegetarian, and you can also substitute refried beans for meat for the same result.

Most of the time, if you order an enchilada plate in a restaurant, it’s dripping with cheese and sauce, and can be a little overwhelming. This recipe misses none of the flavour, but includes the all-important hidden veg and goes a little easier on the cheese. Casserole presentation allows for several more servings in the baking dish, and is so much easier to put together than trying to roll up each enchilada. I even let the kids help me layering the tortillas, meat, cheese and sauce in assembly line fashion. It’s delicious fun, topped off with a bit of soured cream and salsa or a side salad – the whole family will be coming back for more.

You’ll need:

1 cup chopped white onion (I use frozen)
1 tsp veg oil of choice
½ tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander
1 tsp fresh or dried garlic minced
½ tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp chipotle pepper powder
1lb lean minced beef
½ cup shredded carrot
1 cup chopped coriander/cilantro (frozen or fresh)
I packet of small corn tortillas (approximately 10-15 used)
1 8oz jar or tin of enchilada sauce (if you can’t find ready-made, it’s pretty easy to make)
3-4 cups shredded mild cheese (Double Gloucestershire and Red Leicester are lovely for this)

The method:

To begin, I add the onions and dry spices to a hot pan with a bit of oil. Once the onions are coated, I add the beef and mix it all together in the pan.

Fry off the mixture, browning the beef and onions together. This will keep the spices from burning and allows the meat to absorb all of those flavours.

Once the beef is mostly browned, add the carrots and coriander with about 1/3 cup of water and reduce heat to simmer.

While the beef simmers and reduces, you can begin to layer the casserole in a baking tray.

Add a couple of tablespoons of the sauce to the bottom of the baking dish before adding a layer of tortillas. I usually cut some of the tortillas in half to fit nicely against the sides.

Add a layer of shredded cheese onto the tortillas, and then a layer of meat, before covering with another layer of tortillas. Top the tortillas with another couple tablespoons of the sauce before the cheese the next time to wet them.

Repeat once or twice, depending the depth of your baking dish. The last layer should be just sauce and cheese, for a nice crispy, gooey cheese top.

Bake uncovered at 180C/350F in the top 1/3 of the oven for approximately 20-25 minutes, or until the top is golden. Allow to rest for 5 minutes or more to cool before serving.

I usually add a dollop of soured cream and some hot sauce to mine, but the kids like it just the way it is!

Being a body confident parent and the #PledgeToBeReal campaign

I was bullied a lot growing up and it was usually by other girls, and it was usually related to looks. One experience that’s stayed with me was when I was about 13 years old and I started to sprout some breasts. I probably did go from a relatively flat chest to an attractive B-cup at quite a fast rate. Some of my peers took exception to this.

A group of 3 girls started teasing me, saying I was stuffing my bra and that what was in there couldn’t possibly be for real. They forced me to go to the toilets and take off my bra to prove I hadn’t stuffed it. Then they threw toilet roll on the floor themselves and pretended that they found it in my bra, so I couldn’t win, despite my innocence.

When I reflect on that hurtful day now, I realise how ridiculous it was that such young girls were obsessed about the size of each others’ breasts. This sort of awareness could only have been propagated by the media to which we’d been exposed. We were girls about to be women, and we worried about living up to certain standards of supposed femininity from a very early age.

Looking back on pictures of my young self now, I think about how I wasted so much of that time worrying about how I looked. I sometimes come across old pictures of myself and think that I looked pretty good, but I didn’t realise it at the time. I loved teen magazines, and they – along with my peers who’d also been looking at those magazines and comparing themselves and others to the hotties on music video television – led me to believe the following about myself:

I had too much hair. I was obsessed with perfect depilation, particularly on my legs, and worried endlessly about the shape of my eyebrows.
My hair never fell perfectly across my shoulders like the cartoon princess hair I craved.
My skin was not smooth and flawless enough. Why didn’t it look silky like the skin of the girl on the cover of the magazine?
My skin was too pale. Cue endless tanning and no doubt sun damage today as a result.
My lips were too fat. My friends thought their lips were too thin. Who cares about lip shape really?
My stomach was not flat enough. I was perfectly thin when I was young but I didn’t think my skin should fold at all when I sat down.

Get real!

I realise now that my worry was created by the false expectations about beauty that surrounded me. That is why I’m writing this post in support of the Be Real Body Image Pledge. It’s a national movement, supported by Dove UK, which is campaigning for the advertising, fashion, music and media industries to show more reality and diversity.

Current technology and the propagation of sharing selfies on social media is putting more pressure than ever on people to look a certain way. A recent study commissioned by Dove showed that when this leads to low body-esteem, it can also lead to opting out of important life activities such as seeing family or leaving the house. The study also showed that 80% of UK females wish the media did a better job of realistically portraying women in all their authentic beauty and diversity.

The pledge asks organisations that sign up to attempt to reflect diversity and reality in their advertising, and focus on promoting health and well-being.

Making a difference as a body confident parent

Being a mum of two boys who is (ahem) approaching middle age, remaining body confident is still a challenge at times. Having children changes your body forever, and I am still learning to accept aspects of it that are new to me. I still have to ignore messages in the media telling me that I need to be a certain shape which may not be a realistic goal for me. As I age, I’m also trying to ignore messages telling me I should worry about gray hairs and fine lines. Someday the wrinkles will be everywhere and I’ll wish I’d appreciated my only fine-lined face while I still had it.

And I know my sons will be getting messages too about how both women and men should look. It is my job to try and show them how to interpret these. So here is what I think I can do as a parent to support the Be Real Body Image Pledge:

I will let my sons see me feeling happy and confident in my own skin. I will not point out my physical flaws (as I perceive them) aloud.
I will not comment negatively on the way other people look. If you don’t have anything nice to say…
I will support brands and media outlets that portray realistic body images.
When they are old enough to understand, I will talk with them about how what they see in the media is not always a full portrayal of reality.
I will teach them to respect their own bodies and the bodies of others.

I’m not saying it’s easy or straightforward, but as with many things, awareness of what needs to change is the first step towards changing things.

Standards of beauty have changed throughout history, and we can choose to see the beauty in the everyday, rather than getting increasingly obsessed with fantastic, technology-enhanced images. We can learn to focus on health, activity, kindness and community, rather than a pleasing angle that would be more attractive in a piece of architecture than on a human being. If our children are presented with true beauty to which they can realistically aspire, we can have greater hopes for them to have a healthier future.

I created this post as a competition entry in support of Dove and the Be Real Body Image Pledge. You can show support for this campaign by using the hashtag #PledgeToBeReal on social media.

I didn’t know blogging could change the world

Last weekend I attended Mumsnet’s Blogfest 2016. It was my first blogging conference, and I was a massive noob as I’ve only been blogging for about 4 months. I attended thinking I was going to learn how to grow and promote my blog. But I left with something much more important – a renewed sense of purpose.

Before I began blogging, I didn’t really know what it was all about. I thought people just wrote diaries about their daily lives and didn’t mind if strangers read them. I started my blog to offer advice about how to plan successful days out and holidays with young children in tow. I was going to keep it impersonal and apolitical, but my plans changed very early on.

I soon learned about the amazing community of parenting bloggers. These were intelligent, talented people who were writing about things for which they cared deeply. Parenting is not a walk in the park, and they were honestly sharing their achievements and failures in a way that could make others feel not so alone.

They were writing about important issues such as coping with miscarriages. They were removing the stigma from PND and other mental health issues by sharing their stories and coping strategies. They were standing up for others – both those like themselves and those who were different. They were campaigning for equal rights for all.

The other bloggers changed my goals for my blog and I started writing about issues I cared about too.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised to find that Blogfest was not just about beautiful photography and great SEO. It was about how blogging can make a difference.

We are living in a time when politics are making people feel uncertain about the future of the world. One of the drawbacks of social media is that it can filter out alternative voices, making it easier for people to only see what they want to. We’re living in a world where the truth belongs to whoever is powerful enough to propagate their version of it.

In such a world, bloggers have a surprising amount of power and responsibility. We are in a privileged position because we have the resources to publish our views and the skills to communicate them effectively.

That gives us the opportunity to campaign for what is right. We can speak up when others might fall silent. We can speak truth to power.

Blogfest was about so much more than monetizing your blog or increasing your pageviews. It was about a beautiful community of women and men who, unusually compared to so many other professions, support each other more often than they compete with each other. Who defend each other’s right to speak even when they disagree.

So as I look forward to continuing my blog, I will try not to obsess over stats or which brands I’m working with. I will focus on whether the things I’m saying will make a difference. I’ll add my voice to the many who are challenging dominant narratives. I will not be silent when I see injustice. And if that helps just one person feel less alone, or makes just one person reevaluate their thinking, then that makes it all worthwhile.

I’m going to leave you with this YouTube video that they played during the campaigning session at Blogfest. It was a speech from Obama during his 2008 presidential campaign, about how one voice can effect change. The speech may be 8 years old, but I’m more fired up and ready to go than ever.

Midweek Moussaka recipe

Autumn is a great time to try harvest foods like aubergine and make casserole bakes that warm the house. Greek food is something I rarely make at home, preferring to indulge at a restaurant or friend’s home, but this moussaka recipe is hard to resist. Moussaka is a bit like Greek lasagne: usually layered, meaty and loaded with cheese. The béchamel sauce may be daunting, but I’ve made this recipe a mid-week version that will hopefully calm your aversion. Something magical happens in the oven when the sauce thickens and browns across the top – it’s absolutely worth a try.

My family enjoy this dinner so much. I don’t think there’s anything better than sweet and savoury to get kids interested. The meat is browned with cinnamon and balsamic vinegar, and the béchamel is creamy with milk and parmesan cheese. The aubergine, or eggplant, is lightly fried in olive oil, but I use cubes rather than taking the time to thinly slice for layering. The final product is worth every ounce of effort, and I guarantee this moussaka recipe takes less than most. Even if you think you don’t like aubergine, I think you’ll be surprised at how flavourful, hearty and delicate this dish really is.

You’ll need:

2-3 aubergines/eggplants peeled and cubed
2-4 TB olive oil
1 lb minced beef (the leaner the better so you don’t have to drain)
1 cup chopped white onion
½ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp nutmeg
1 tsp garlic granules
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 8oz tin of tomato sauce
¼ cup balsamic vinegar
4 cups warm milk
½ cup salted butter
6 TB all-purpose flour (not self-rising)
1 egg beaten
1-2 cups grated parmesan cheese

The method:

To begin, peel the aubergines and cube them into 3 cm/1 inch cubes. Some say you should salt the aubergine to absorb water … I usually can’t be bothered, but give it a try if your eggplant seems particularly wet.

In a large pan, warm a tablespoon or two of olive oil before adding about half of the aubergine cubes. Be sure to leave space between pieces and fry off in two or three batches. Allow the slightly golden-edged aubergine to rest on kitchen roll while you finish batches and the meat.

Once you’ve spent ten minutes or so lightly frying the cubes, you can reuse the pan for the beef.

Add the chopped onion, minced beef and dry spices to the pan with what remains of the oil and any aubergine bits.

Allow the meat to brown nicely before adding the tomato sauce and balsamic vinegar. Bring to the boil before reducing the heat to a simmer for about 15 minutes. Now is a good time to preheat the oven to 180C/350F.

While the meat simmers and reduces, it’s time for the béchamel sauce.

I begin with using a microwave-safe measuring cup or bowl to warm the milk. Microwaving 3-5 minutes on high should do the trick, but you want to be sure the milk is nearly boiling.

In a non-stick pan, melt the butter and add the flour. I use gluten free, and may use a bit less than stated above, but the roux you create will be thick. Mix well with a rubber spatula until smooth.

Gradually add the hot milk, stirring quickly to smooth into the roux. This sounds intimidating, but it’s really going to come through for you.

Once the milk is fully incorporated into the butter and flour, allow it to lightly boil over a low heat and thicken slightly. Remove from the heat and mix in ½ cup of the parmesan.

Now for the assembly: pour the partially-fried aubergine cubes into the bottom of a large baking dish. Sprinkle about ½ cup of the parmesan cheese over the top of the cubes.

Pour the meat mixture over the aubergine and add another layer of parmesan sprinkle before pouring the beaten egg over the top.

Pour the slightly cooled béchamel sauce over the top and give it a little wiggle to settle the casserole before popping it in the oven.

Bake at 180C/350F for 45 minutes to an hour, or until the top is golden and solid. Allow the dish to cool before serving to preserve the layers, or dish up straight away if you’re not fussed about presentation.

Enjoy!

Knowing the side effects of hormonal birth control could save your life

The birth control pill has been in widespread use since the 1960s and has been incredibly beneficial for both women and men. The ability to choose when to have children (for the most part), and avoid unwanted pregnancies is extremely valuable. So by no means is this post “anti-pill”.

However, two stories in the news recently have brought the side effects of birth control pills to the forefront. The first was a Danish study that showed a clear link between hormonal contraceptives and depression. While “mood changes” have been listed as a side effect of the pill for many years, this was the first large-scale study to investigate just how much the pill could affect women’s moods.

At the same time, a recent study into the side effects of a male birth control injection was cut short “due to side effects, particularly depression and other mood disorders“. So this may be oversimplifying things a bit, but it seems that it was simply unacceptable for male test subjects to experience the sort of mood effects from hormonal contraception that women have been experiencing for years.

My personal experience of hormonal contraceptives

My personal experience with hormonal contraception has been unpleasant at times. When I was 18, I started taking the injectable contraceptive, Depo Provera. It was sold to me as an excellent choice because I just needed a jab in my rear end once every 3 months. It was 99% effective and I wouldn’t have to remember to take it every day like a pill.

Although I’m sure I would have seen a leaflet listing the side effects, no one pointed them out to me. But I experienced just about all of them. Before starting the Depo shots, I was effortlessly thin. After starting it, I gained about 20 pounds which I have never been able to lose. I had headaches, extreme mood swings and completely lost my sex drive. No wonder it’s 99% effective … I didn’t feel like having sex!

Later, I switched to the combined pill. I was able to cope with this much better and mostly felt normal on it. However, when I stopped taking it years later in order to try for my first baby, I experienced a massive improvement in my general wellbeing. The sporadic feelings of dissatisfaction and insecurity that had plagued me for years suddenly disappeared, and I found it easier to lose weight.

After my second son, my GP encouraged me to take the mini-pill because I could be on it while breastfeeding. During the time I was on this pill, I had to seek treatment for postnatal depression, and when I forgot to refill my mini-pill prescription, my depression lifted.

Over the years, I have never been taken seriously by health professionals when I’ve mentioned how profoundly various types of hormonal birth control had been affecting me. The attitude has always been that all of these things were worth coping with in order to prevent pregnancy.

The side effects are not as rare as they say

I decided to ask some other female bloggers whether they had experienced bad side effects from the pill, and was surprised how many of them had, within a relatively small sample group (the Facebook group I asked contains just over 1000 people, not all of them women). Here are some of the comments I received:

I had increasingly bad side effects from the combined pill, which culminated in me being admitted as an emergency as I was suffering with a hemiplegic migraine. It was a very frightening experience as my whole left side went numb, my left cheek drooped and I had very bad light sensitivity. After undergoing extensive tests, including an MRI, CT contrast, etc., they determined it was the combined pill that was the cause, and immediately stopped me from taking it. I’ve since been told that hemiplegic migraines are a precursor to stroke, so I was incredibly lucky!

– Nathalie from The Intolerant Gourmand

I went on the pill; it gave me horrific mood swings – I mean like I could be laughing like it was the funniest thing going, and within 30 seconds be bawling my eyes out. It was genuinely a bit scary, like verbal diarrhoea, but rather than being that excited positive spewing, it was like horrible, hateful stuff that most of the time wasn’t even true, but just my brain having a freak out.

– Hannah from Han Plans

I had one which made me want to kill myself – right out of the blue. They put me on anti-depressants and then worked out it was the pill. Even though they knew it was the pill, it still flags up on my file: “depression”.

– Alice from Seaside Housewife

I haven’t been able to take the pill since I was 18 due to it making my depression worse.

– Lisa from Hollybobbs

I had to come off the combined pill because I had such a bad migraine one day I couldn’t feel my left side, and they suspected it was actually a TIA/mini stroke or if not, I was actually very close to having one. At that point I had been taking it for 5 years. I switched immediately to Cerazette (progesterone only) and was told that I must never take oestrogen again. I came off the pill altogether after I got married and it was a revelation – suddenly I felt “normal” – I hadn’t realised how different it had made me feel being on the pill because I’d taken it for such a long time. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was, and what had changed, but I knew I felt better in myself, like a fog had lifted. I will never ever go back on it, or any other hormonal contraceptives.

– Sarah from Arthurwears

I had to come off the combined contraceptive pill (Microgynon) because of the side effects. I had zero sex drive (making it pointless for me to take the pill anyway!) and put on weight, but worst of all was it gave me severe suicidal thoughts. Within days of coming off it I was back to normal again, but it was a horrendous experience.

– Maddy from The Speed Bump

So are you saying I shouldn’t take the pill?

Absolutely not. As I mentioned earlier, the pill has improved people’s lives massively, and if you are not experiencing any health problems while on the pill, then keep on taking it!

However, I do not think there is enough awareness of the side effects of hormonal birth control, so I am writing this to urge you to read that leaflet and talk to your doctor if you think your contraceptive is causing problems for you. Different forms of birth control can have different side effects, but here are a few things to look out for:

If you are having migraines or any severe headaches, particularly if you are using the combined pill, be sure to remind your doctor that you are on the pill. The combined pill can cause strokes.
If you are feeling continual low mood or depression, it could be worth trying to go off the pill for a short time. You should also talk to your doctor, but I’ve found that doctors won’t be quick to consider the pill as a cause of depression.
Hormonal contraception can also contribute to weight gain and changes in your sex drive.

Please note that I am not a medical professional and you should always speak to your doctor, and always use alternative contraception, such as condoms, if you’re not on the pill.

Here are some links to NHS information about different types of hormonal birth control:

Have you had issues with the side effects of contraception? Leave your story in the comments.

Easy gluten-free macaroni & cheese recipe

My kids were born in Surrey, and they never learned about Kraft macaroni and cheese. I know there are a lot of families out there that rely heavily on the cupboard staple that is pasta and powdered cheese mix, and I’m not judging. But between a gluten-free husband and processed-food hating children, I’ve found myself making mac-n-cheese from scratch many times. I used to think cheese sauces were terrifying, but this method skips making a roux with butter and flour, and is nearly fail proof.

The whole dish is really quite easy, and can even be a one-pot wonder if you can wait for the pasta to finish and reuse the pot. I go all out (thank goodness for dishwashers) and use one for the pasta, one for the sauce and a baking dish to finish it off. This baking bit is especially nice for partially boiled gluten-free pasta, but is easily skipped if you fully cook standard flour macaroni or shells.

This takes about the same amount of time as the boxed version, I promise, and is a million times tastier. Skip the processed cheese and have a go at making amazing cheese sauce to smother your pasta of choice.

You’ll need:

8 or 10oz dry gluten-free pasta shells or macaroni (I used a corn and quinoa mix shell)
Approximately 6 cups of water for the pasta
1 cup of chicken or vegetable stock
2-3 cups shredded cheese of choice (mature cheddar is especially nice)
1 tablespoon butter
1 cup single cream (or half-n-half if you’re in the US)
1 heaped TB soured cream or crème fraiche
Salt and pepper to taste

The method:

My super speedy method is to begin with getting the water boiling for the pasta in a medium-sized sauce pan. Use the kettle for at least 6 cups of water if you prefer.

In a second small saucepan, bring the chicken or veg stock to a boil. I generally use stock concentrate and kettle water, so about ¼ teaspoon of concentrate to one cup of water.

Add the shredded cheese (I’m super lazy and buy pre-shredded) one handful/cup at a time and stir well into the stock over a medium-low heat. I usually use a non-stick pan and rubber spatula for this job, rather than risk the cheese and cream sticking to the bottom.

Pour in the cream once the stock and cheese are well blended and beginning to reduce, keep stirring.

Once the pasta water has come to a boil, toss the pasta in with a bit of salt and reduce the temperature.

Add the crème fraiche or soured cream to both thicken and temper the flavours of the stock and cheese. Blend well until the mixture is smooth and slightly sluggish to run off the spoon.

Have a taste and add pepper and salt as you please. Also extremely tasty: a light dash of paprika or oregano, if you’re feeling fancy.

The pasta should be cooked by now, so take the sauce off the heat while you drain and rinse the shells or macaroni.

If you were going for the one-pot method, you’d simply rinse the pot and begin on the sauce while the pasta drains, but I do suggest a little sprinkle of oil to keep the pasta from getting too stuck together.

If you’re going all out, drain the pasta whilst it’s al dente and pour it into a baking dish. Again, I go non-stick so I don’t lose any shells to the pan. Finishing the pasta in the sauce makes gluten-free pasta especially tasty, soaking up the flavour.

Pour your creamy gorgeous sauce all over the pasta and give it a good stir to coat every noodle.

You can add the pasta back into the sauce if you’ve been draining for the one-pot method, stir to coat well and add salt and pepper to taste. It’s ready to serve once the pasta is back to temperature. Enjoy!

Bake the pasta with sauce in the oven at 350F/180C for 15-20 minutes, or until you’re too hungry to wait any longer. Feel free to top off the pasta with more shredded cheese if you’re indulgent and like the layer of crisped cheese on top. My son isn’t a fan, so I leave it off.

My kids absolutely gobble this up, and it’s done within 45 minutes with the oven method, 25-20 with stove top only. There’s plenty of protein and calcium, without needing meat, and using gluten-free pasta, we end up with hidden veg! If you like, throw in some frozen peas if you’re doing the oven method, they’ll be cooked and add a bit of sweetness. You can try vegetable pastas too, and different cheeses for more intense flavours … make it your own! I’ve used this cheese sauce over vegetables as well, if you’re not interested in pasta, and it’s lovely. Hope you have fun and enjoy!

Emergency services and wee funnels – my rubbish weekend

If you read my recent “soft play and fails” post, you will know that I had a slightly annoying Friday last week. You will also know that said rubbish day culminated in my toddler being sick all over one of my friends. What you don’t know is that vomit was only the beginning.

The worst thing about my 1yo’s bug that night (besides the usual feelings of worry about him) was the fact that I currently have no washing machine. You can imagine the “joy” of dealing with pukey clothes without being able to just bung them in the machine. I didn’t deal with them. I hid them in a far corner of the bit of my house which is being renovated, in the hope that the plaster dust would neutralise the smell until I could find a launderette.

I can’t say Friday night was pleasant, but we survived it. By midnight, poor little 1yo was finally able to keep down some water and we all gratefully went to bed.

Saturday was sort of alright. We went to IKEA and I discovered I could put my 4yo in the basket of the trolley with his tablet. This enabled me to look at candles and unnecessary soft furnishings in peace, instead of spending the whole time stopping him from forging a path of destruction through the kitchen displays. I even think the children actually went to sleep nicely in the evening.

But cue 3am and my poor little 1yo started crying in an unusual way. I ran to his bedroom to discover he was burning up. I took his temperature and it was nearly 40 degrees celsius. I gave him some baby ibuprofen (we were out of baby paracetamol), brought him into our bedroom for a cuddle, and stripped him down a bit. Then we noticed that his breathing was a bit fast as well. I decided to call 111 (for the non-Brits, this is a 24-hour health advice line you can call for non-emergencies).

After the usual assessment, the advisor on the phone told me he was calling an ambulance. Okay. That’s serious shit. My adrenaline kicked in. Best put some clothes on, I thought.

I put some Peppa Pig on Netflix for my 1yo while I waited with him for the ambulance. My husband stood with the door open as advised by 111, to make sure the paramedic could find the house. The paramedic soon turned up and was very reassuring while she did a series of tests on 1yo to assess his condition. Based on these tests, she offered to drive us to hospital.

It wasn’t a full-sized ambulance. It was smaller and called an Emergency Response Unit or something like that. The back of it was sort of like the back of a Black Cab. We strapped 1yo into his own chair – he always prefers to have his own chair – and I sat in another. Husband stayed home to look after the 4yo.

Our local hospital has a paediatric A&E and this allowed us to be processed through triage very quickly. The nurse brought us to a bed and presented me with a sort of test tube with a funnel attached to it. “We’ll need to get a urine sample,” she said.

I said, “Uuuhhh, how do I get that then?”

“You should take off his nappy, put this waterproof pad underneath him, hold the funnel nearby, and wait.”

Me: “Right. Okay.”

I felt a heavy weight of responsibility. I had been given a urine sample obtaining job. I wished to succeed at this. Never mind I also had the responsibility of keeping a sick baby mildly content whilst waiting an unpredictable amount of time to see a doctor.

Luckily, we’d brought my best friend: the tablet. And the hospital had brilliant WiFi. Streaming CBeebies saved my sanity on this night. Thank you, tablet. Thank you, hospital WiFi. Thank you, CBeebies. Never say I’m not grateful for small favours.

So now you can picture me:

Holding the tablet at a comfortable viewing angle for the 1yo (which was an uncomfortable angle for my arm).
Simultaneously holding my head upright in a way that would keep me from nodding off in utter exhaustion (the head bobbing slowly down and then shooting back up again in another bid for wakefulness).
And watching LIKE A HAWK for the anticipated wee sample.
Constantly re-adjusting the funnel to ensure ideal placement for the catching of a sudden wee.

In the end, we waited 3 hours to be seen by a doctor. I spent that entire 3 hours waiting for my son to wee in the funnel. That’s right: I spent 3 hours staring at my son’s junk, hoping for a wee. Well, how else could you spend the wee hours of a Sunday morning (maybe be dancing in a club? I wouldn’t know).

When the doctor finally came, he diagnosed tonsillitis and sent us home with some penicillin. We never did get that urine sample.

While I was waiting for husband to collect us from hospital, I gave my son his first dose of the penicillin from a syringe. At first he took it eagerly as he loves the flavour of Calpol. But then he made the incredible grimace. This was the precursor to a later disaster.

When we got home I was allowed to go for a nap while husband looked after the children. I was awoken when he tried to give my son the next dose of his penicillin. He screamed and screamed and refused to take it. When my husband finally got it in, 1yo promptly puked it back up.

I was enlisted to have a go at administering another dose. Let’s just say I failed.

Hours passed and my son refused to eat or drink anything. My husband popped out to the shops, and while he was gone, 1yo laid down on the sofa and just went to sleep. I looked closely at him and I thought he’d gone a bit blue around his nose and mouth. In hindsight I was probably imagining it.

Suddenly, my heart started pumping at a mile a minute. It felt as though it was going to leap out of my chest. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I called 999. This was the first time I’d ever called 999 (or 911, when I lived in the USA) in my life.

The woman on the phone was very kind and talked me down from what was apparently a panic attack. I’d never had one before.

When my husband got home, we agreed that my son should go back to A&E because he wouldn’t drink anything and we couldn’t get the medicine into him. Why are children always sick on Sundays?

They were very nice at A&E and they gave us special rehydrating solution and then the doctor eventually came and gave him an extra check. She said he was fine and then had the nurse help us learn the best way to pin him down and trick him into opening his mouth so we could syringe the medicine in. It seems cruel, but the doctor said if we couldn’t give him the meds then he’d need to stay in hospital for a whole week to get them via a drip.

Perhaps we didn’t need to go to A&E the second time, but you hear so many horror stories about misdiagnosed children. It was a “better safe than sorry” situation. And the doctor and nurses were completely understanding and incredibly helpful.

We went home again and I can’t say giving 1yo the medicine got any easier. But by the end of the day, you could tell it and the rehydration solution was taking effect, and he started taking an interest in his toys again.

He’s now perfectly fine, even though we’re still wrestling him to get the drugs in. Luckily, he is also back at nursery and they skillfully administer some of the doses.

So there you have it. My crap weekend. Why did I bother telling you? Partly just to vent. Partly to say you shouldn’t feel embarrassed to use emergency services and the NHS if you feel you need them. And mostly so you can laugh at the image of me obsessively holding a wee funnel for 3 hours.