There are probably thousands of books out there about pregnancy, not to mention the probably millions of blogs and websites dedicated to the topic. So much so, that upon becoming pregnant the first time round, you may be a bit perplexed as to what to read.
Not everybody wants to know all the nitty-gritty details about pregnancy and birth, and that’s just fine. Your health professionals will tell you all you really need to know. But, if you’re the sort of person who likes to know as much as possible as to what you’re in for, then you’re probably going to be looking for a pregnancy book.
When I was pregnant with my first, I bought books about baby care, because I was more worried about that than the pregnancy part. I googled when I had questions about my pregnancy and enjoyed the sites that compare the size of your baby to a fruit or vegetable each week.
But the problem with google searches is they can take you down a black hole of confusion and self-doubt. There are so many websites, and many of them contradict each other. If you are googling because you are worried about some aspect of your pregnancy, this can get kind of stressful. And it also doesn’t help when you come across forums with lots of people spouting completely random opinions. It’s difficult to sort out fake from fact, and it can really lead to you feeling more confused than you did before you started googling.
A book I was recently sent to review, Pregnancy: The Naked Truthby Anya Hayes & Hollie Smith, is the antidote to late-night pregnancy google confusion. It is an amazingly spot-on collection of all the answers to the most common pregnancy questions and worries, aimed specifically at modern British mums. It is much more down-to-earth, less generalising, less judgemental, and less old-fashioned than other pregnancy books I’ve come across.
Some of the topics it covers include:
What’s safe to eat/drink/do in pregnancy without any scaremongering or overly cautious advice.
Everything to expect in terms of pregnancy symptoms – what’s normal and when you should go to the doctor.
What to expect from different stages in pregnancy and antenatal appointments.
All about work and maternity leave.
Sex and pregnancy.
Getting ready for birth and baby, and what to expect on the big day.
The first few weeks with your newborn.
The best thing about this book is the light, humorous tone it’s written in. It isn’t embarrassed to tell you exactly how flatulent you are likely to be in pregnancy or how loudly you might swear when you’re in labour. It also incorporates first-hand comments from mums who’ve been through it all.
At no point is the book judgemental. It is always realistic (for example when discussing whether you can have the odd glass of wine in pregnancy), and it respects a mum’s ability to decide for herself, given the most up-to-date facts about the matter.
Having already been through pregnancy twice, there was nothing in this book that surprised me. But I learned all of it from stressy googling and (sometimes bitter) experience. This book will prepare you mentally so that some of those aspects of pregnancy no one ever talks about won’t come as too much of a shock.
If you want to know all the secrets of pregnancy that nobody necessarily talks about, read this book. If you like to be prepared for everything, read this book. This is definitely the book I wish I had read when I was a first-time mum-to-be.
I received the book for free for the purposes of writing an honest review.
When it comes to clothes, I am NOT an online shopper. I find it very difficult to find clothes that fit properly and flatter my size 16 shape, and I hate the idea of having to ship back an item of clothing that I bought online when I find that it doesn’t fit or flatter.
The other clothing problem I have is that I am a mum of small children. This means 2 things:
Having babies has changed my shape from what it was before and I’m no longer entirely sure what looks good or fits me.
I have no time to comb the high street to find nice clothes.
These two problems are compounded by the fact that much of what is available on the high street caters to women who are a size 12 or less. If I pop into New Look or Dorothy Perkins, size 16 is usually the largest size I can find on the rack. And then it still won’t necessarily fit. It will either still be too tight, or it will just be a massive shapeless tent.
Many high street stores just have a single template for an item of clothing. To make the item a bigger size, they just scale it up. This does not take into account that the proportions and shape of a size 16 woman are very different from that of a size 8 woman.
So this is why I was very interested in the opportunity to review clothing brand Celuu. Born from 50 years’ experience of British design, Celuu offers clothes in sizes 12-22. They aim to follow current fashion trends while still being comfortable and wearable for a normal person. Here is a little gallery of some of their current offering:
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The thing I like best about them is their “fit philosophy”. They adjust the design features of the clothes individually for each size in order to make sure they fit properly. This avoids what I like to call the “tent effect” of high street fashion – in which clothes that might have looked attractive on a size 10 look like a shapeless tent on a size 16.
Putting it to the test
Celuu sent me a top of my choice to try out. They have a brilliant size guide on their site in which you can use your body measurements to find out the right size for you. However, I didn’t use it. I just went for my usual size 16 to see how that would compare to the size 16 clothes I’d been trying in high street shops recently (and let’s just say I came away empty-handed and disappointed from all of those trips).
I chose a floral print tunic top that looked like it had a bit of shaping in the waist. I was hoping it would be able to handle my ample bosom and give me a waist. The verdict: I loved it. I even wore it to a blogger event and shouted about it on Instagram:
It fit effortlessly and made me feel really confident and fashionable. The fabric had a nice feel to it and didn’t get creased while I was wearing it – very important as I only iron for weddings, funerals and job interviews.
Like any online shop, if something doesn’t fit or you don’t like it when you’ve received it, you can return the item free within 14 days. But as I said before, that seems like so much of a faff. However, Celuu’s sizing method along with some great photography on the clothing product pages has reduced that risk for me. I was so pleased that the top looked just like I imagined it would after having seen it on the model on the product’s page. There was no photographic trickery or things surreptitiously pinned to sit nicer, the way that high street stores sometimes do on their mannequins.
I also love that the store focuses on sizes 12–22. It seems like there are plenty of stores out there catering for women who are smaller than a size 12, so why shouldn’t there be a shop that focuses on the rest of us? This brand allows us to love the way we look – and feel confident just the way we are – instead of thinking we need to slim down in order to wear beautiful clothes.
Celuu might just have made an online clothing shopper out of me! If you want to give it a go, you can get 10% off your order by entering the code “comp10” at checkout.
Competition: Win a £1000 wardrobe upgrade
To celebrate the launch of their new Spring/Summer range, Celuu are giving one lucky person the chance to win a £1000 wardrobe upgrade! The winner will get to choose a range of clothing from the website up to this incredible amount and really make this season one to remember. Entrance to this exclusive competition is easy: just sign up on Celuu’s competition page, and you will be in with a shot of winning this fabulous prize. Hurry though – the competition closes on the 8th May. Good Luck!
Disclosure: I received an item of my choice to keep from Celuu’s website in exchange for an honest review and sharing their competition details.
I think most people who read my blog will agree that parenting is bloody hard work. And in the early years, it can sometimes feel a little bit exhausting, a little bit boring, and more than a little bit lonely. If you are already disagreeing with me, you’re probably not my ideal reader, but feel free to judge away because this is my truth.
As babies, our kids are cute and cuddly, but they just eat, sleep and poop all day. Spending your days at home with your little poop machine can get pretty boring and lonely, no matter how much you love them or how grateful you are to have them. I now look back fondly on the days of binge-watching Netflix with a baby constantly attached to my boob, but I have no desire to return to them.
Then they become toddlers and they have minds of their own, but those minds aren’t terribly logical. You’re constantly chasing after them to keep them out of trouble. Often their only thank you for your efforts is a tantrum because you wouldn’t let them jump into that pond and drown.
Toddlers are more interactive, and some parents love playing age-appropriate games with them and letting them get messy with crafts or rolling around in the mud. For me, though, however much I value spending time with my toddler, I’m not super into toddler games. I can only build the train track once or twice before I’m feeling pretty bored. I can’t stand messy play. My toddler won’t let me help with his colouring. Seriously, he steals the pen out of my hand and puts the cap back on. And he still isn’t much of a conversationalist.
Baby and toddler parenting is physically and mentally exhausting. You need to have oceans of patience and be able to to function on very little sleep. But for anyone still in these years and feeling a bit worn out, I have good news:
It gets easier.
My eldest is now 5, and in the last couple of months I have seen such a change in him. He’s suddenly fun! Okay, he has been fun since day one, in the sense that he’s my lovely little boy/bundle of joy/etc. But he’s suddenly started enjoying and being able to do things that I also genuinely enjoy.
With him, I’m no longer needing to remind myself not to look at my phone after he’s “cooked” me a plastic piece of chicken in his toy kitchen for the 10th time in a row. I don’t have to hover over him at the playground to stop him falling on his head. I almost never have to help him wipe his bottom. The less pleasant or boring parts of parenting him are melting away and being replaced by all the reasons I wanted kids in the first place.
1. We have fantastically interesting conversations. My boy asks me questions about life, death and the universe that really challenge me and make me think. I love trying to explain things to him in a way he’ll understand. It’s teaching me a lot, realising how hard things can be to explain. Even simple things like explaining what a play is – as in a theatrical production – can be an interesting challenge if you don’t just resort to Google.
2. He can draw and write all by himself. My 2yo loves drawing but I have to watch him like a hawk so he doesn’t draw on the walls or start eating the pens. But my 5yo can entertain himself long enough for me to have a hot cup of tea, and he draws better than I do now. And the drawings are so sweet. Here is one of my favourites:
3. He can do cultural stuff. During the Easter holidays I took my 5yo to the British Museum. Now, I might take my toddler to a place like that, but only if I could keep him securely strapped into his buggy the whole time. Otherwise, he’d be chewing on some priceless ancient sculpture before I could say “Mesopotamia”.
But the big boy looked at giant Buddha statues and said “wow”. He listened when I tried to explain the history to him. We happened across a brilliant display where a museum attendant was allowing people to hold ancient coins. My son was fascinated by the coins, carefully examined them with a magnifying glass, and held them so gently. I was in ecstasy that suddenly I could share a museum visit with my son in a way we both enjoyed.
That’s real currency that was thousands of years old, and we got to hold them! The bottom-left is a Piece of Eight, like pirates had. Aaargh.
I also took him to Chartwell, Winston Churchill’s country home, and was amazed that he was quite happy to walk through the house with me and let me explain what a typewriter is and other anachronisms.
4. He can play video games with me. When I realised I was going to have 2 boys and never a little girl, I did have to take a minute to mourn that there were loads of girly mother–daughter moments I was never going to experience. But I’ve never been all that girly anyway, and I knew that little boys were more likely to share my interest in video games. This promise is now coming to fruition in my 5yo. We’ve started playing Lego Star Wars together on the Wii U and it’s really fun for both of us. We make a great team and neither of us has gone over to the Dark Side just yet.
5. He eats normal food and behaves on picnics. The featured photo is him eating a Subway sandwich at Chartwell. Finally, I can take him out and buy some random food instead of packing like we’re camping for a week every time we leave the house. It’s lovely to be able to have fast food treats from time to time. And even better that we can have a picnic without him wandering off a million times or trying to feed his sandwich to an angry swan (I’m looking at you, 2yo).
6. He’s becoming considerate. As sweet and cuddly as my 2yo is, it is all on his own terms. He suits himself, and that’s fine. But it’s a beautiful thing to see my 5yo beginning to notice how other people feel. He can tell if I’m a bit down and he comforts me. If someone is unwell, he makes them a card. He even willingly shares his food with me sometimes.
It sounds like I’m a bit down on toddlers in this post, but that’s not the intention. I’ll maybe write something soon about the upsides of the toddler years – because there definitely are some. But I had to share my delight at being able to share things I love with my older son and have him begin to understand. He’s changed from baby to child, and he’s going to keep growing up from here. I hope that sharing interests in this way and having some good times will help form a basis of trust that will serve us well when we hit tougher times, because goodness knows growing up is hard work.
What is this life if, full of care We have no time to stand and stare.
– William Henry Davies
These words have been repeating in my head over the last week or so. They’ve been in my head because my grandmother, who brought me up in my early years, died on the Sunday before Easter. I knew it was coming. And yet knowing didn’t make that final news any easier.
I was at my sister-in-law’s house and we were getting ready for a day out. I looked up from the email on my phone telling me the news, and suddenly my world had changed. The colour had drained from it. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Grief is a hard taskmaster. It doesn’t matter how long or short a time you had with someone you love. It is not comforting to think that it “was just their time” or any other platitudes people always say. They might be true, but you need to take some time to process your feelings in your own way. You deserve time to reflect, and the person you love deserves it too.
But I had no time to stand and stare. Off we went on the day out, me “not wanting to make a fuss”, chasing around after my children and acting like everything was normal. And it continued through all of the next week. My eldest was home from school and I had all the time off work for once. I’d planned lots of fun activities for us and I didn’t want to disappoint him.
But all week I was wishing I could just stop and grieve. To quote another poem:
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone … Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message, [S]he is dead.
– W.H. Auden
I had to keep going, but I wanted to stop. People would ask how I was doing and I felt like it was a stupid question. Everything should stop. She is dead. The world has changed forever. She is dead. Could everybody just stop going about their daily business please? She is dead.
But the world doesn’t stop.
I felt angry at first that I couldn’t stop and grieve the way I wanted to. But now my son is finally back at school, and I have a day off and I can do what I want, I think he saved me as well.
If she had died before I had children, I would have fallen apart. I probably would have gone to bed and felt sorry for myself for days and days. But instead, I was able to focus on these little people who needed me more than I needed to be sad. I knew I would have time to remember my grandmother. But in the meantime I was able to spend time with people who love me just as unconditionally as she did.
And it made me feel grateful that the only mother I’d ever known had lived to see me become a mother. Not everyone is that lucky. And it made me think that, while feeling sad is okay, the reason I feel sad is a blessing. To move away from poetry to slightly more popular culture:
A heart that’s broken is a heart that was loved.
– Ed Sheeran
I am so sad to lose her because she was a good parent to me. And I’m finding the best way I can remember and honour her is to apply her example to my own parenting.
So here are some parenting lessons my grandma taught me.
My grandma and me on my 1st birthday
She was always gentle
There is no doubt that she told me off and disciplined me when it was necessary. I remember having a tantrum so bad one time when she wouldn’t let me stay up late on New Year’s Eve one year because I’d done something naughty. I was pleading to stay up by crawling on the floor and accidentally bashed my buck front tooth on the floor, splitting it in half. Ouch!
But she didn’t yell at me. She reasoned with me. She told me when I was disappointing her. And I never wanted to disappoint her. She taught me the value of being good for its own sake. And no matter what I’d done, she was always ready to give me a big hug.
So this week, when my children tried my patience, instead of getting cross and shouting, I’ve been giving them big hugs. It’s surprising how easy it is to fix things with hugs.
She always listened
From when I was a toddler who wanted to pretend to be a cat or keep snails as pets, to being the woman who needed to talk about my PND, my grandmother always listened to me. I was always able to tell her absolutely anything and she would just listen. She wouldn’t tell me what to do. She didn’t judge me. She wouldn’t make it all about her. She wouldn’t change the subject. She would just quietly take it all in and say something comforting.
I want my children to tell me important things when they’re adults, so I’m going to listen to them starting now, even if it’s that same knock-knock joke I’ve heard a million times.
She shared my pride and gave me confidence
If I was proud of something I’d done, I could call and tell her about it and she would be just as enthusiastic as me. She would never be unimpressed, or think that the achievement could have been bigger or more prestigious. Right down to when I would try hard to dress up nicely for a meal out. I remember she would always say “ooohhh” in admiration for my looks. She never tried to make me be like her, or like she might have wanted me to be. She was impressed by who I was on my own terms.
Our children don’t always turn out to be who we expect, but we should always love them for being themselves and trying their best.
She taught me kindness
When my grandma first moved to Florida, she found her house was infested by small lizards and tree frogs. They were little green frogs that made noises like puppies barking. She would catch the frogs and gently put them outside. But they would keep coming in.
Some people’s next move would be to call some sort of exterminator. But not my grandma. She put little dishes of water out all over the house so the frogs wouldn’t get dehydrated. She went to the pet shop and bought mealworms to feed them. Every evening before bed she would walk through her house calling the frogs and would hand-feed them those nasty little mealworms.
She fed the lizards too. And stray cats. Birds. Even the squirrels. They would all eat out of her hand like she was Snow White. If only they would have done the housework for her too!
Her example of kindness even for creatures that others treat as pests is something I remember every day. She taught me to turn inconvenience into a chance to be kind. I only hope that, through example, I can show my kids that it is always better (and easier) to be kind than to be cruel.
Moving forward
And so I am getting used to a world in which I can’t call my grandma and tell her about my day. She can’t share in my successes or commiserate with me about my failures. And it’s going to take me some time to get used to that. And I’m going to feel sad. And some days, I’m not going to be okay about it.
But I know that she hasn’t left me completely. She’s there when I hug my children, when I listen to them and talk to them softly. She’s there when I sing them to sleep. And I will never stop feeling grateful for her giving me a gift of love that I can pass on to my children.
Just a little note to any subscribers or regular visitors that I haven’t forgotten you. I’m fine and I’m not giving up blogging just yet! I’m just enjoying Easter holidays with my schoolboy who is rather good company these days.
We’ve visited Fountains Abbey in North Yorkshire, Coram’s Fields, the British Museum, and Chartwell so far! We’ve also been playing quite a bit of Lego Star Wars on the Nintendo.
I’ll be back from Tuesday onwards with plenty of new stuff, including some posts about our days out and our shiny new National Trust membership. It’s burning a hole in my pocket because I want to be sure I get my money’s worth!
One of my blogger friends who joins in with the #EatSleepBlogRT linky every week linked up a funny post the other week. It had a fact about her for each letter of the alphabet, and I really enjoyed learning more about her in a format that required her to be a bit more creative in how she expressed it. I commented that I’d really like to copy the idea and so she turned it into a tag post!
So here you are, an alphabetical description of some things that are important parts of my personality. To read the original post that started it all, and see more instructions for joining this tag, please check out Heather’s blog, Shank You Very Much.
A is for acting
My childhood dream was to be a musical theatre star, but I never pursued it.
B is for boobs
My boobs are my favourite feature of mine. They aren’t quite what they used to be. They’ve been subjected to pregnancy and breastfeeding and 30-mumble years of gravity. But they’re still mine and they’re great.
C is for cats
I like black & white cats who occasionally bite you when you may or may not deserve it.
I was brought up by my dad, and he did a smashing job really. Respect to all the solo parents out there doing it for themselves.
E is for Editor
In my day job, I am an editor. It’s not quite the acting dream, but I actually really love it. I dabbled with a lot of other possible professions in my younger days but I was always meant to be an editor.
F is for (the F-word)
I really love swearing. I like doing it and hearing other people doing it (as long as it’s comical/therapeutic and not aggressive). I don’t like to swear on my blog, but if you come round for a drink after the kids are in bed we can turn the air blue.
G is for Geek Groupie
I like a few geeky things like Star Trek, Lord of the Rings and other fantasy books & movies, Comic Book movies etc. But I’ve never quite been passionate enough about any of it to qualify to be a true geek. More so, I’ve always enjoyed the company of people geekier than me – and pretty much everyone I’ve ever dated has been a geek of some type. So that’s why I say I’m a bit of a geek groupie.
H is for Hats
I like to wear very warm, flamboyant hats in the winter. I get away with not blow-drying my hair and just sticking a hat on it. My mother-in-law bought me a real winner this year, and my son is taking after me.
I is for Indian food
I am obsessed with any sort of Indian food, from whatever region, authentic or not. Exotic spice combinations are my happy place.
J is for Japanese
I’m also obsessed with Japanese food. Sushi, Teriyaki, Udon – all of it. I NEED to eat it at least once a week. When I was a teenager my dad had a similar obsession, for which I ridiculed him. But it must be in the genes because now I can’t get enough of the stuff. I also find Japanese language and culture fascinating – have studied it a bit – and hope to visit Japan properly one day.
K is for Kitchen
We recently built an extension to our house with a brand new shiny kitchen in it. I’ve always wanted a breakfast bar and now I have one! We have worked for years to be able to get such a thing. When I’m feeling a bit down, it’s wonderful to have a part of my house that is shiny, uncluttered, and just how I like it (unlike the rest of the house).
L is for Listening
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how important it is to listen. I’m sometimes good at listening to my friends when they need a friendly ear. But other times I’m too self-centred and I forget to listen and think of others. It’s something I’m working on.
M is for Mindfulness
I am still new to mindfulness but I’m learning it’s a wonderful thing for my physical and mental health. It was actually another blogger who got me interested in it. If you want to know more about my new interest, check out my guest post on Mission: Mindfulness.
N is for Nicole
It’s my name … and I can’t think of anything else for this letter.
O is for Only You
My favourite cheeseball movie guilty pleasure from 1994. It stars Marisa Tomei, Bonnie Hunt and Robert Downey Jr before he was Iron Man. It’s about a woman who goes all the way to Italy chasing after a man who an Ouija Board told her was her soulmate. It’s full of beautiful scenery, cheesy lines, cringey comedy and good kisses. I will never get tired of watching it.
P is for PhD
It is a lesser known fact that I have a PhD in English. My thesis was about religion and postcolonial literature. I don’t remember much else about it.
Q is for Questions
Another of my current intentions for myself is to ask people more questions. I talk about myself too much and forget to ask other people things. So I’m trying to think about what I’d like to ask my friends. But I also have to be careful and not ask the wrong sorts of questions!
R is for Rock ‘n Roll
My music tastes are very eclectic. But if someone forced me to pick one, it would have to be rock. There is nothing like a rousing guitar riff. Plus there are so many sub-genres of rock, I’m sure I wouldn’t get bored.
S is for Sugar
The sugar police can go and drown themselves in a massive avocado smoothie as far as I’m concerned. I love sugar. Sugar in my drinks. Sugar in my cakes. The current trend of “giving up sugar” makes me roll my eyes so hard it gives me a headache. It’s definitely bad to eat too much of the stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s always bad.
T is for Truth
I am truthful about things to a fault. Perhaps the T could also be for Tactless, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten better about that over the years!
This is a real thing and they are bloody amazing. They play all sorts of songs on a collection of different sized ukuleles, with a strong dose of humour. Seeing Kate Bush’s song “Wuthering Heights” performed on ukuleles made my life complete.
That’s a fancy medical term for fainting. If I hurt myself and I think it’s really bad – like broken bones, gashes, or just extreme pain – I faint. I just check out. I also faint if I don’t lie down when they draw my blood for blood tests. It scares the bejeezus out of people.
W is for Wuthering Heights
If someone asks me what my favourite book is, I always say Wuthering Heights. Of course, I first read it when I was an impressionable, angsty teenager and I just thought it was the most romantic story ever. In my more mature years, I actually think Cathy is sort of an idiot. But I haven’t found another book that has made quite so strong an impression on me.
X is for Xylophone
I don’t really care about xylophones, but there aren’t very many words that start with x.
Y is for Youth is wasted on the young
Do you ever look back at pictures of yourself and think: “Damn, I looked good and had no responsibilities, but I never appreciated it at the time?” I do. I also think how much I would love to sit around studying maths and history, whereas as a teenager I thought it all mind-meltingly boring. It’s a shame that we have to go to school when we’re too young to appreciate it.
Z is for Zippers
When zippers stop working properly and come unzipped from the bottom underneath the pull tab. That just sets my teeth on edge. Aaaagggh.
I’m tagging Becki from The Mum From Brum, Nadia from Scandi Mummy and Jen from Just Average Jen to participate next. I hope you’ll all let me know when your posts are live so I can have a read.
The rules are here:
Read through my post. I know, that seems like a given.
Start your own blog post.
Fill your alphabet in with things that describe you. Or just random thoughts that start with that letter if your brain decides it doesn’t feel like cooperating.
Tag the person who sent this to you and two other bloggers that you’d like to know more about.
Copy and paste these directions above your post so people know what to do.
Sometimes, life is just a bit too much. Sometimes things are a bit crap. I’m not going to define what crap is. It might be catastrophically crap; it might be an everyday, yet relentless sort of crap. But it happens to all of us.
My current sort of crap is the type that is little things piled on top big things that all conspire to crush me.
The big one, as I’ve mentioned on this blog before, is that my grandmother is dying. She brought me up when I was little and is one of the people I love most in the world. She has been unresponsive for months now and we’re finally moving her into hospice care. It has been difficult: missing her already but not feeling I’m allowed to grieve until she’s truly all-the-way gone. And I have yet before me the task of learning how to exist in a world without her in it.
The second biggest one is that I keep having these weird episodes in which my heart pounds and races. The other day one of the episodes lasted a full 10 minutes and my Fitbit said my heart rate was 194 bpm. I ended up spending that night in A&E, but they didn’t find anything wrong beyond a slight arrhythmia – which is apparently pretty common. So I’ve been worried about my health. Do I have a heart problem or is a stress/anxiety thing? I don’t know yet.
And then there are lots of other little/big things. Getting called in by the headteacher at school to meet about my son’s “behavioural issues”. The mum that snubbed me at the school gates. Running behind with work deadlines. Feeling emotional at work and fighting back tears at ridiculously inappropriate moments. Feeling fed up with blogging and yet not truly wanting to quit.
I’m sure all of you can relate to some of this. Big problems, little problems, 1st world problems – whatever. There is no hierarchy of problems. The fact is: if they are upsetting you, affecting you, making it difficult for you to function as you would wish, then they are significant.
Ignoring these things, downplaying them and telling yourself to get over it is not going to help. You need to confront these feelings head on. To say, “this is the way I’m feeling, and that’s okay”.
But at the same time, we all have a lot on our plates. I know there have been days when all I wanted to do was curl up on the floor and wallow in my grief. But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t. I’ve got small people to look after. And if I lay down on the floor they are going to jump on top of me and demand to be flown around in the air.
I have a job that needs doing because I have a mortgage that needs paying. I have other friends and family that need me to be there for them. As much as I’d like to, I just can’t give up. I can’t mentally check out and take a holiday from all of my responsibilities.
And so the pressure of all of my troubles weigh on me and are compounded by my need to keep on going even when I want to quit.
But the other day, after I’d spent the night in A&E – when I felt tired and lost and lonely and sad and fed up – I had a revelation. My husband was at work. My kids were at school and nursery. I’d called in sick to work because I’d been awake all night in hospital. And when my grief pricked me in the eye, I let it. There was no one there to see.
So I cried.
But I didn’t cry like a grownup. I didn’t cry the way you cry at a sad movie, with tears running down your face quietly and the odd little hiccup. I didn’t cry the way you do in front of other people, when you are desperately trying to stop – trying to hide it – apologising for your crass display of emotion.
I cried like a child. I screamed. I moaned and groaned and probably sounded much like a cow giving birth. Nobody could hear me. So I let every messy feeling pour out in tears and great wracking sobs.
And when my tears dried up and I was tired of railing against the universe, I simply stopped. And it was like a great weight had been lifted.
I’ve since been doing a bit of googling about crying and apparently there is scientific evidence that crying releases stress. Tears actually contain stress hormones that are leaving your body when you let them go.
Ever since my big cry, everything has seemed easier. I’m not crying at work anymore. I’m not feeling as tense around my family. I’m able to keep doing what I need to do while I weather my personal storms. I had thought if I didn’t cry, I was being strong. But really I was stifling all of the emotions that scared me, instead of facing them. When I didn’t let them out, they festered.
So I’m not going to start making crying one of my big hobbies. But it’s comforting to know that I can – and should – cry when I need to.
Crying is okay AND it helps. So the next time it’s all a bit (or more than a bit) crap, send the family out of the house, close the curtains, put the kettle on, and let the tears flow.
I love going to the cinema. The atmosphere, the big screen, the snacks – even the other people (believe it or not) – all add to a sense of occasion for me. There’s a lot to be said for watching your TV at home, but it will never be as special or exciting as sitting in front of the big screen.
But I very rarely get to go … because I have a 2 year old. Occasionally, I sneak off on my own or with an adult friend, and recently have taken my 4 year old to a couple of appropriate features. But while my toddler might pay a bit of attention to a Disney film on the TV at home, there is NO way he would sit through something at the cinema. At home, he can toddle off to play with trains when the film gets boring for him, but in the cinema he would need to stay put.
So I was pretty sceptical when I was recently invited to bring my 2 year old to a cinema premiere. I envisioned myself chasing him amongst the rows of chairs while he giggled hysterically, stepping on people’s toes and making me wish I’d brought a hip flask with me.
But this film was made for 2 year olds. Peppa Pig: My First Cinema Experience opens on 7 April and is the perfect opportunity for families to enjoy the cinema together without needing a babysitter for the toddler.
The film is based around 6 brand new, short Peppa Pig episodes, and they are strung together by interactive interludes in which a children’s presenter and some Peppa Pig puppets encourage the children to sing and dance. This is a great strategy to reduce the problem of short attention spans. The kids enjoy the episodes just like they would on the telly, and then they get a break with something different that gives them a chance to move around. The whole thing lasts about an hour.
My 2 year old is a very active, physical little boy and he sat through almost the whole thing. He got a bit restless in the last 10 minutes or so. But I was amazed that he sat as long as he did. He was entranced by the Peppa episodes and he enthusiastically joined in with the singing and dancing during the interludes.
And surprisingly, I wasn’t bored either. I had been joking along with my other blogger friends who attended that we needed to hide some wine in our handbags so we wouldn’t die of boredom. But actually you could tell that the writers had thought about the parents. There was lots of humour that appealed to me as a (slightly) grownup person – especially in the episode in which the Queen steals a double-decker bus. Check out the trailer here:
So when the Easter holidays are inevitably doused by buckets of rain, you now have an option to hide in a darkened room eating untold amounts of snacks. Some cinemas even do sell wine, completely legitimately. And you can take your very young children without fearing they will terrorise the other punters.
I recently took my two boys, aged 2 and 4 at the time, to Disneyland Paris (DLP). As I mentioned in a previous post in which I discussed some ideas for booking your trip, you need to plan ahead in order to make the most of a short break to DLP. The park is so big and so busy. Add young children into the mix and you have a recipe for a pretty chaotic (and not at all relaxing) break. We wasted so much time wandering around aimlessly, being indecisive. I’d like to spare you from that.
Take some time to think about what you want from your DLP holiday, and you will be rewarded with that feeling of time well spent. Here are my tips to help you plan.
Bring a pushchair and/or a sling
The parks are so big. It takes about 15 minutes just to walk from the car park to the entrance (and this is also true if you’re staying on an on-site hotel – you could get a shuttle but either way, it’s time-consuming). We brought our double buggy so that both the 2yo and 4yo could be pushed along. It was a total lifesaver. We never would have gotten anywhere walking at my 4yo’s pace, and he would have tired very quickly.
For the 2yo, I also wished I still had my old hippy sling that he would have still fit in. This is because you can’t bring a pushchair while you’re queueing for rides, and most queues are at least 30 minutes long. My 2yo didn’t like standing on the ground among all the people taller than him, so my husband and I ended up carrying him for the entire queue. That is a recipe for very sore arms. If your child is young enough to fit in a carrying device, then use one!
Pack smart
You want to bring two small bags – one of which should be a rucksack or otherwise easy to carry with no hands. In one bag, stick things that aren’t valuable, such as all of your nappy changing items, bibs & other lunching items, and any spare clothing/extra layers you might need. You can leave this bag in your pushchair while you are queuing for rides. In the rucksack, put drinks, snacks and maybe a tablet. You need these things to stop the kids melting down in the queue. And don’t worry, you can take your rucksack on the rides.
The lockers at DLP are located outside the entrance to the park, which is utterly inconvenient, so I wouldn’t count on being able to use those.
Get an early start and use your Extra Magic Hours
If you’re staying at a DLP hotel (which I highly recommend), you will have access to Extra Magic Hours. This allows you access to the parks from 8am – before the general public is admitted at 10am. You would be a fool to miss out on these. But your hotel is likely to tempt you with breakfast, which usually isn’t available until 7:30am at the earliest. If you wait for breakfast, you will miss the Extra Magic Hours.
I recommend stockpiling snacks to eat first thing in the morning (or, if you stay in the self-catering Davy Crockett Ranch, you have a kitchen in which you could stock some proper breakfast items of your own). Have an early snack, and then aim to arrive at the park entrance no later than 7:45. You need the extra time to walk through the vast empty spaces and get through security, in order to get into the park first thing at 8am.
You can always then have brunch or another treat after you’ve taken advantage of the Magic Hours.
Rides to hit during Magic Hours
There are limited rides open during Magic Hours, usually only in the Disneyland park and not the Walt Disney Studios park. These are subject to change, but I suspect it’s vaguely the same most of the time. During Magic Hours, you should make a beeline for the rides that tend to have the longest queues. In my experience, here they are in order of priority (i.e. the usual longest queues first).
Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast
Peter Pan’s Flight
Les Voyages de Pinocchio
Blanche-Neige et les Sept Nains (Snow White)
Orbitron
There are others that are open too. I would recommend doing Magic Hours rides only during Magic Hours, thus freeing up time for the other rides during the normal park hours.
Take advantage of being first in the park
The other advantage to Magic Hours is that you will be in the park first thing when all of the other rides open, before the general public manage to cross the great expanse of asphalt to get the heart of the park. So, you should set your sights on a popular ride, and make sure you are waiting at it’s entrance at exactly 10am, or a few minutes before. Then you will be first in the queue as soon as it opens. Generally, any ride that is eligible for Fast Pass entry is likely to be one the popular ones (your Disney map will tell you which these are).
Using the Fast Pass system
Certain rides have little kiosks near the entrance. You scan your park tickets there, and receive a pass with a timed entry to the ride, which will allow you to jump the queue.
The important thing to know about Fast Passes is that they run out. You need to get one first thing in the morning (or as early as possible), otherwise you might not get one at all. If you get one as close to 10am as possible, you should be able to ride that ride by around lunchtime. Any later, and you’ll be lucky to get a ride by 5pm.
When you have a fast pass, you can’t get another one straight away. You have to wait a few hours. The fast pass you have will tell you when you’re allowed to get another one.
Naptime plans
If, like me, you have two kids and only one that still naps, you should have an action plan for naptime. Our 2yo napped in the buggy after lunch, and this was a great opportunity for the older one to go on the rides that his brother was too short for, or to queue for photos with Disney characters or perhaps have a nose round some shops. The Adventureland section of the Disneyland park is also a great place for naptime, as it’s mostly play areas and things you have to climb on – not necessarily great for 2yos or younger.
If you are in the Walt Disney Studios section of the park, there are usually big shows in the main backlot around naptime (for us it was the slightly underwhelming Star Wars Stormtrooper March – with 12 whole stormtroopers – but my 4yo seemed to like it). This is a good option to make the best of your time while one of you is unconscious.
Baby switch
I just thought I’d give this a namecheck in case you hadn’t heard of it. Disney has a scheme for parents with babies/young children who both want to ride one of the rides unsuitable for little ones. If you all queue up together, then you can tell the ride attendant you want to do baby switch. One parent goes on the ride while the other watches the baby, and then the other parent can go next, without queueing further. So mum does not have to miss out on Space Mountain.
Don’t forget to see the dragon
It is easily overlooked, but there is an animatronic dragon underneath Sleeping Beauty’s castle. And it is brilliant – the best animatronic thing among a host of animatronic things. Make sure you don’t miss it.
Are you planning a trip to Disneyland Paris? What do you think of these tips? Do you have any questions? Let me know in the comments!
I’m pretty sure most of my readers know just how difficult it is to fit in exercise and stay motivated to do it when you’re a busy mum. I can’t really take my 5yo and 2yo to the gym with me. The creche at my local gym has very limited hours – and the 5yo is too old for it! So my only options are to exercise when their dad is home and able to watch them properly, or when they’re both at school/nursery (when I have 100 other things to get done).
I know lots of mums who do exercise classes. I wish that I could, but I find it difficult to commit to turning up somewhere at the exact same time each week, and to pay for it too! So that’s one of the reasons I’ve gotten more into running. I did it a little before I had kids, but I was never enthusiastic. But now I’m getting more and more into it.
As you may have seen from an earlier post, I’ve actually signed up to do a 10K and blog about it in support of The Children’s Society. It’s a great charity that improves the lives of disadvantaged kids across the UK, and I’m so pleased to be working with them. But it’s a lot of pressure! I’m such a slow runner. I’m hoping I’ll be able to run the 10K before they close the course and send everyone home! So I really need to stay motivated with my training. And it’s not always easy.
So if you are trying to keep on running as well, here are my tips to help you stick with it.
1. Just put your shoes on and give it a go
It sounds kind of obvious, but the hardest part is actually getting outside, no matter what the weather or how you are feeling. I just sort of screw my eyes up tight, put on my gear, and go outside. At worst, I will give up before I’ve done the distance I want, right? But it’s still further than if I stayed on the sofa.
2. Think hard about what your intentions are with running
I’m more into intentions than goals these days as I’ve been learning about mindfulness. There was a great talk about this at the Lucky Things Meetup I went to a short time ago. Basically, goals are more rigid, and carry with them a fear of failure, whereas with intentions, you can celebrate your successes along the way.
So for me, my intention is to train the best I can for the 10K, and to get fitter in the process. This way, every run I do is a success in itself, even if I missed doing one earlier in the week because life took over!
3. Use your feelings
It sounds a bit Jedi, but running is a great way to take stock of your feelings, and it is true that exercise helps your mental health anyway. I’ve been going through a hard time lately myself, grieving for someone I love very much. So some days I am very sad or very angry. On sad days, I run and cry a little. No one notices if tears are streaming down when you’re sweating as well. On angry days, I take it out on the pavement and my legs and run harder. But even if you’re perfectly happy, running can be joyous as well. I’ve come to love the freedom of it – not weighed down by a handbag or any small people to look after.
4. Reward yourself
If there is something you’d really like to do instead of running, just promise yourself that you can do that thing after running. My runs are often followed by cups of tea, bottles of beer, chocolate, naps or a film.
5. Sort your music out
I’ve discovered that the right music can make a world of difference to how you feel when you’re running. It might not be the same music you normally listen to! And you need to keep it fresh. Nothing makes the somewhat boring task of running more boring than listening to the exact same playlist every time. It is worth it to subscribe to a streaming service so you can try lots of different types of music. I use Google Play because it auto-builds playlists based on what you’re doing and the genre you like or choose. I’ve discovered I like running to rap music, even though it’s not what I normally listen to. Something about the rhythmic beat coupled with a bit of aggression…
6. Don’t overdo it
If you are feeling physically ill, do not push yourself into running as it could make things worse and put you out of commission. Also, make sure you build up your distance and speed slowly to avoid injuring yourself. If you’re just starting out, the Couch to 5K programme is brilliant. When I did it I downloaded an app with the programme on it (C25K by RunDouble on Android). It automatically told me when to run and walk, and also comes with improver programmes for after you’ve managed your 5K.
7. Invest in your running
One of the great advantages of running is that it’s a lot cheaper than classes or monthly gym memberships. However, it’s a really great idea to get some proper running gear. Well fitted trainers, a good sports bra and some running tights will make you feel better and help prevent injury when you’re running. A pair of headphones that won’t fall off and a holder for your phone are a good idea too. And if you’ve invested money in gear for running, you’ll feel less inclined to quit.
8. Have someone else depend on you
If you really want to kick yourself up the rear end to keep running, then get yourself into a situation in which you’ll disappoint someone else if you don’t do it! That’s what I’m doing by signing up to the run the 10K for The Children’s Society. I don’t want to disappoint the charity and my sponsors by not being able to do it. Learn more about joining one of The Children’s Society’s challenges here.
If you don’t want to do a formal run or other challenge, simply enlisting a friend to run with you might also be a good way to stay motivated.
I hope you’ve found my tips useful. What are your top tips for staying motivated?
The Children’s Society has waived my entry fee to the London Vitality 10K in exchange for my blogging, but I am still trying to raise some money for this great cause. If you would like to sponsor me, please go to my JustGiving page.
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