I was bullied a lot growing up and it was usually by other girls, and it was usually related to looks. One experience that’s stayed with me was when I was about 13 years old and I started to sprout some breasts. I probably did go from a relatively flat chest to an attractive B-cup at quite a fast rate. Some of my peers took exception to this.
A group of 3 girls started teasing me, saying I was stuffing my bra and that what was in there couldn’t possibly be for real. They forced me to go to the toilets and take off my bra to prove I hadn’t stuffed it. Then they threw toilet roll on the floor themselves and pretended that they found it in my bra, so I couldn’t win, despite my innocence.
When I reflect on that hurtful day now, I realise how ridiculous it was that such young girls were obsessed about the size of each others’ breasts. This sort of awareness could only have been propagated by the media to which we’d been exposed. We were girls about to be women, and we worried about living up to certain standards of supposed femininity from a very early age.
Looking back on pictures of my young self now, I think about how I wasted so much of that time worrying about how I looked. I sometimes come across old pictures of myself and think that I looked pretty good, but I didn’t realise it at the time. I loved teen magazines, and they – along with my peers who’d also been looking at those magazines and comparing themselves and others to the hotties on music video television – led me to believe the following about myself:
- I had too much hair. I was obsessed with perfect depilation, particularly on my legs, and worried endlessly about the shape of my eyebrows.
- My hair never fell perfectly across my shoulders like the cartoon princess hair I craved.
- My skin was not smooth and flawless enough. Why didn’t it look silky like the skin of the girl on the cover of the magazine?
- My skin was too pale. Cue endless tanning and no doubt sun damage today as a result.
- My lips were too fat. My friends thought their lips were too thin. Who cares about lip shape really?
- My stomach was not flat enough. I was perfectly thin when I was young but I didn’t think my skin should fold at all when I sat down.
Get real!
I realise now that my worry was created by the false expectations about beauty that surrounded me. That is why I’m writing this post in support of the Be Real Body Image Pledge. It’s a national movement, supported by Dove UK, which is campaigning for the advertising, fashion, music and media industries to show more reality and diversity.
Current technology and the propagation of sharing selfies on social media is putting more pressure than ever on people to look a certain way. A recent study commissioned by Dove showed that when this leads to low body-esteem, it can also lead to opting out of important life activities such as seeing family or leaving the house. The study also showed that 80% of UK females wish the media did a better job of realistically portraying women in all their authentic beauty and diversity.
The pledge asks organisations that sign up to attempt to reflect diversity and reality in their advertising, and focus on promoting health and well-being.
Making a difference as a body confident parent
Being a mum of two boys who is (ahem) approaching middle age, remaining body confident is still a challenge at times. Having children changes your body forever, and I am still learning to accept aspects of it that are new to me. I still have to ignore messages in the media telling me that I need to be a certain shape which may not be a realistic goal for me. As I age, I’m also trying to ignore messages telling me I should worry about gray hairs and fine lines. Someday the wrinkles will be everywhere and I’ll wish I’d appreciated my only fine-lined face while I still had it.
And I know my sons will be getting messages too about how both women and men should look. It is my job to try and show them how to interpret these. So here is what I think I can do as a parent to support the Be Real Body Image Pledge:
- I will let my sons see me feeling happy and confident in my own skin. I will not point out my physical flaws (as I perceive them) aloud.
- I will not comment negatively on the way other people look. If you don’t have anything nice to say…
- I will support brands and media outlets that portray realistic body images.
- When they are old enough to understand, I will talk with them about how what they see in the media is not always a full portrayal of reality.
- I will teach them to respect their own bodies and the bodies of others.
I’m not saying it’s easy or straightforward, but as with many things, awareness of what needs to change is the first step towards changing things.
Standards of beauty have changed throughout history, and we can choose to see the beauty in the everyday, rather than getting increasingly obsessed with fantastic, technology-enhanced images. We can learn to focus on health, activity, kindness and community, rather than a pleasing angle that would be more attractive in a piece of architecture than on a human being. If our children are presented with true beauty to which they can realistically aspire, we can have greater hopes for them to have a healthier future.
I created this post as a competition entry in support of Dove and the Be Real Body Image Pledge. You can show support for this campaign by using the hashtag #PledgeToBeReal on social media.
The Mum Reviews 
Good for you! I’m so sorry that you struggled in your teens, I think many of us did. I was anorexic from the age of 18 until well into my thirties, so bad that I was hospitalised at times, and even now I struggle with body image. I wasn’t sure that I had the time to take part in this but I’m going to make the time, I’m sure it was therapeutic to write and always a great reminder of how far you have come. Thank you for sharing. xx
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I’m am so sorry you have suffered from anorexia and it is very brave and open of you to share that. I look forward to seeing your contribution to this campaign as you always offer unique and useful insights into everything you write about. xx
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Its good that you can look back on things and realise what lessons you learnt from it.
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Just what I needed to read today – for the first time EVER I actually ummmed and ahhhhed about going for a family swim at the weekend because I’m not feeling so comfortable in a swimsuit at the mo. Ridiculous!!! Thanks for sharing the great message. #familyfun. x
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Glad it resonated with you and hope you went on that swim! x
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Good for you! Growing up in India in the 90s, I had a very different school experience than yours but I’ve seen enough movies and television shows to know how real bullying can be, especially those perpetuated by other women or those whom you might have thought were your friends until puberty hit. I really like what you have planned to teach your boys. I hope to teach my son and especially my daughter the same things. #familyfun
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Thank you! I hope your different school experience was a positive one. I’d be interested in reading about that.
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I’ve been aware of the dove campaign for a while now. It’s so hard to feel confident about our own bodies but agree we should be more positive about them for the sake of our media savvy children and their own self esteem. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun
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Oh my goodness how horrendous. Kids can be so horrible sometimes. That’s a really positive outlook and I really hope I can be like that with mine. I will try my very best but sometimes I think it’s easier said than done. Thank you for sharing at #familyfun xx
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Absolutely easier said than done! xx
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This is such a great campaign. Working in a primary school, I have seen children as young as 7 wearing tan, worrying about what they look like in photos (including whether they are too fat!) and judging one another on looks. Social Media has a huge part to play so it’s nice that there is a campaign that will set real expectations and hopefully change their mindset! #eatsleepblogRT
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It’s scary how aware children are of that stuff at younger and younger ages! Thanks for reading.
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I love your pledge. I’ve seen a few of these posts now and think I might join in. It’s such an important message. #EatSleepBlogRT
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Thanks! Tweet me if you do one. I’d love to read it x
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What a brilliant post. I particularly loved: We can learn to focus on health, activity, kindness and community, rather than a pleasing angle that would be more attractive in a piece of architecture than on a human being. Absolutely spot on. Thank you for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT
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Thank you!
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#eatsleepblogrt a positive message. I’m 34yo and still waiting for my boobs haha, mind you they fed my son and are healthy. Not much more you could want.
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Boobs are pretty fabulous, whatever shape or size. Hey that sounds be a poem! Watch this space 😃
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A great post. The best thing we can show our children is that we are happy with ourselves. They know how much they look like us, after all. #KCACOLS
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Haha, I never thought about that my kids look like me so that might affect how they feel about my own assessment of my looks! Interesting one!
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I am so conscious of my children’s self perception. I was an overweight teen and suffered so badly at the hands of bullies. As a parent and through running I have learned to appreciate my body’s strength and not just it’s appearance. I hope to pass on body confidence through physical fitness with my children. Great post and a wonderful campaign x
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Thank you! I definitely think that modelling healthy habits for our children is the best way to teach them.
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Wonderful! I also took part in this. Awful to read the first part of your story. Kids can be horrid. I wonder too now whether the fact that people are more open about things now if this makes the whole puberty bra wearing, spots, periods etc a little easier for our girls rather than when it was always such a taboo subject. I hope so. #KCACOLS
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Yes I hope it’s making that easier too!
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