I’ve been having an unusual time lately. First, I had a minor surgical procedure which meant I had to rest and not pick up my kids or do housework for at least 2 weeks. Now, this week, my “day job” sent me to work at a conference. I’m on the train home now after spending 3 days in a resort hotel. I’m not sure if you missed me, but as a result I also haven’t blogged all week. I have had a proper holiday from parenting and from my normal life.
The conference was actually hard work. I was watching and taking notes at one session after another, and in the breaks I was working at an exhibition stand. There were evening events too, with which came an obligation to “network”, even if such events were pleasantly abundant with good food and booze. So I found myself waking up at 6am and going to sleep after midnight every night – it was hardly a chance to catch up on sleep.
But it wasn’t as difficult or exhausting as parenting.
It got me thinking about how rarely most parents – especially mums – get any sort of holiday from the work of parenting. Stay-at-home parents must experience this particularly intensely. Those of us who work outside the home greatly value our quiet commutes, civilised lunches with colleagues, and hot cups of tea.
While I recovered from my surgery, I was at home but was officially required to rest. I didn’t have to jump up when somebody needed to be fed or changed. I didn’t have to wrestle the 2yo into the bath. I didn’t have to cook or clean or even do the school run. It was pretty amazing to be honest, and I caught up on some neglected Netflix series.
But there were difficult moments as well. I was at home with my children, but not able to pick them up when they cried. I saw my husband struggle with not having enough hands, and wasn’t able to offer him any help (yes it was hard, even if it was also funny). I was not even able to get on the floor to play with my children when they asked me to.
When I recovered from the surgery and was able to do these things again, I was incredibly grateful. I found that even though it can feel like drudgery when you’re doing it every day, I enjoy doing things for my family. I revel in the critical role I play in their lives. My children in particular need me intensely, and I am aware that that is something that will not last forever.
Now that I’ve subsequently been away from my family completely for a few days, I find that there are other things that I take for granted when I’m at home.
For example, at home, I often feel “touched out” at the end of a day after constantly cuddling my children and being climbed on, poked and prodded by them. I am so tired of being touched by others at the end of the day that I just want to be left alone. However at this conference, I have had the opposite situation. I haven’t really touched another human being (beyond the odd handshake) for 3 days!
I am suffering from touch withdrawal. I can’t wait to go home and feel that close connection to other humans again. The more I think about it, the more I actually can’t bear the thought that some humans live all the time without anyone else to touch.
Also, I have had 3 days of completely uninterrupted adult conversation. And most of it was to do with work, so it was also either extremely intellectual or just awkward small talk. Luckily, there were some friendly people there too with whom I could talk utter rubbish, otherwise I might have felt a bit lonely.
That sort of adult conversation is what I normally crave. But having an abundance of it for a longer period of time has made me grateful for the simple and real interactions I have with my family.
Tomorrow morning, I will start my day with cuddles and Paw Patrol. I will deal with poo. I will have protracted conversations about what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I will break up fights. I will calm down tantrums. I will kiss it better. I will repeatedly pretend to eat plastic food, lovingly prepared by my children in their toy kitchen. I will explain for the 5 millionth time why the radiator makes a funny noise. And I’m looking forward to it.
When I tell you that I had a real parenting holiday, and that I found it hard sometimes, I’m sure you’ll be getting out the world’s smallest violin to play me a tune. And I know it’s popular to point out all the hardest parts of parenting. It’s important too – so that people know they’re not alone. But it’s also good to remember that in exchange for all the sleepless nights, the times we’re covered in poop, the endless washing and cleaning, and the downright boredom, we are getting something pretty wonderful in exchange.
I think it was John Lennon who said “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”. So I will try to remember, when I start to get frustrated or bored, that these simple moments are the cornerstone of family life. And importantly, the hard times that we go through as parents are the price we pay to live a life filled with love.
The Mum Reviews 
I love this post so much! You have truly captured the sentiments of being with and away from our kids. I am a SAHM and sometimes wonder about how wonderful it may be to take a vacation by myself for a couple of days but I miss my kids terribly right after they go to bed even though I can’t wait for them to do so all day. So a course days of vacation may be torture for me. I’ll probably enjoy it but I’ll be thinking of them so much that I am not sure it’ll be much of a vacation. It’s always nice to take a step back once in a while and appreciate the choices we have made and the resulting outcomes.
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Thank you. Yes I think we are always torn between wanting a break and wanting to be with them!
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This is so true. I always miss them like crazy and talk about the kids when they are away but sometimes we just need a break! #KCACOLS
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I often joke that I go to work for a rest (it’s not actually a joke!!). To be honest I don’t think I could cope without working and having something for me. I only work part time but, as selfish as it sounds, I need it- it makes those cuddles and kisses all the better when I’m with them!! #EatSleepBlogRT
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I am so with you on that!
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#eatsleepblogrt hmmm thoughtful. I love working; it’s my break (nope doesn’t make sense to me either) but being with little man is where my soul feels complete. Dammed if we do…
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Yes that’s just it!
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I appreciated this post! Totally understand the feeling and I sometimes find things like a dentist appointment start to feel like an afternoon out! The glamour 🙂
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this post massively resonates with me because I am so guilty of taking “life” for granted. love the JL quote btw. I am a working mum and go away on conferences and work trips. I was in the states for ten days back in sept and I know what you mean about that adult convo being all about work or just the small talk. I was really happy to get home, pop on paw patrol and talk about this, that ad everything else my son dreams up each day! #KCACOLS
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We all take stuff for granted! It’s so good to get a break to remind us what we love the most x
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I agree it so full on being a sahm with all the touch. It is great to have a break and step away to reflect. It is always one way enough and intense which makes it so hard X ‘kcacols
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Ah what a beautiful concluding paragraph – you are so right – “simple moments are the cornerstone of family life”. I am on a residential course in a few weeks and definitely have mixed feelings about it. I totally understand what you mean about being ‘touched out’ too! I did think you’d been a bit quiet of late. Hope you’re fully recovered from the surgery. #eatsleepblogRT
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Thank you! Yes I’m busy and all tired out! Trying to take it easy on myself and start fresh in January. Hope you enjoy your course. Now that we have things like Skype it’s easier to be away from home
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A break is as good as a rest so they say, and it’s so true. I always say I need a night off, and when I do get one I do nothing but think about my kiddies! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday X
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I can see how a real parenting holiday would be hard. I am a stay at home mum so I absolutely long for some time off or away! The weeks fly by but can still feel long and drawn out, it is such a bizarre sensation. I also find myself ‘touched out’ and often talked out. It can really annoy Hubby when I don’t feel like talking in the evenings because I have done so much of it in the day but he does understand really. I love the perspective this has given you, sometimes you need to rest to enjoy it all again how it should (apparently) be enjoyed.
#KCACOLS
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Oooh how I often wish for a parenting holiday – but I also feel that like you. I know I would miss them all if I took a parenting break for more than a couple of days! #eatsleepblogrt
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Fantastic post! Every Thursday evening I am grateful that the following day is a mummy day. I love being in a sumps innocent kid world. It’s such an honour to watch little people grow and learn. But it can be hard to see that when you don’t get the time to step back. I hope you agree enjoying being back absorbed in mum life!
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I so agree that you need to remember what a wonderful thing it is to have children around!
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Just noticed all the typos in my comment! This is why writing on my phone whilst my husband is talking at me is a bad idea… Meant to say “…simple and innocent kid world…” and “…hope you are enjoying…”. Note to self: sense check before submitting next time. Haha!
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Totes understand! We really shouldn’t type whiles hubs are talking though. Mine gets so cross with me sometimes! #bloggerproblems
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