I’ve got a little bit of blogger’s block. I’ve been trying to think of something vaguely funny to write to offset some of my serious posts. It occurred to me that there are all sorts of parenting “soft skills” that nobody talks about. Those little things you do all the time when you have kids, but you never ever did before you had kids. Nor did you ever anticipate that you would need to do such things.
- Scraping toothpaste off of things (e.g. the sink, my bra, the cat)
- Jumping over toddler gates in the middle of the night (because those things are impossible to open when you’re half asleep)
- Explaining why you shouldn’t rest your penis on the sink (But why, mummy? I love to put it there!)
- Explaining why you shouldn’t put your finger up your bum (You shouldn’t, right?)
- Explaining why you shouldn’t put your finger up the cat’s bum (that poor cat)
- Defrosting and cooking sausages (the only thing they’re guaranteed to eat)
- Cutting teensy tiny nails without drawing blood
- Distinguishing poop from chocolate (harder than you might think)
- Cleaning crayon off of windows (impossible)
- Phonics (those things m-m-m-make no ssss-sense to me)
- Extricating back-arching toddlers from narrow behind-the-sofa hiding places
- Cleaning up a poonami without smearing it all over the wall
- Using a screwdriver to replace musical mobile batteries at 4am
- Carrying a handbag, changing bag, shopping and a wriggling toddler at the same time
- Carrying tired preschooler up hills at speed to reach toilet in time
- Secret kitchen biscuit consumption whilst preparing fruit for children
- Never leaving the house without snacks and wet wipes
- Not getting stuck when fetching children off playground/soft play equipment
- Oceans of patience and self-control
- Remembering to get lots of cuddles before they turn into stinky teenagers
Can you relate to any of these? What are your unexpected parenting skills?
The Mum Reviews 
I soooooooo relate to this. The worst is mealtime. .. Mine’s a horrible eater and by the time she gets done, her high chair resembles a war zone. Gunk and goo everywhere
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I know what you mean. It’s totally a skill to clean all the food off them, the highchair, the floor! Thanks for reading.
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Explaining why daddy doesn’t want her to wash the car with a pot scourer, or help wash the car At All!
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Lol that’s a good one! I can see how a kid would think that’s a good idea 😂
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Bless her, it was really dirty, she was only trying to help. lol
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I think I’ve definitely developed all these skills too, although my ability to get a back arching toddler out from behind a sofa still needs some work! #FamilyFun
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I’m not sure if it’s possible to truly master that one, lol!
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Ahaha I love it. I’m familiar with some of these and give it another 2 or 3 years I think I will have them all honed!! I think my ability to make ALL of my actions into songs is impressive – I sing while doing pretty much anything now, definitely never used to do that 😂 #FamilyFun
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Haha I love the singing and actions. It is a skill to know and do them all.
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Ha ha great post to get you over bloggers block! I can’t think off the top of my head a skill I’ve learnt, maybe coming up with the excuse of baby brain to get me out of something!! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun
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Baby brain is real! 😂
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Haha, I think I’ve acquired a fair few of these skills already, particularly carrying all the bags. Who knew it was possible to carry so much stuff as well as another human? #familyfun
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We get some serious mum muscles along the way! 😂
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Haha I nearly spat my coffee put at number 3! I bet there’s a skill you didn’t know you would need eh! Yep us mums are multi talented multi functional creatures with arms of steel and patience of a saint… Most of the time. I think I am secretly an octopus the amount of things I have carried all at once! Thanks so much for linking at #familyfun. Hope to see you again next week xx
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Thank you for hosting! This was my first time linking with #familyfun and it’s definitely a good one. x
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haha I can’t wait to see what my boy will be doing in the future:D For now (he is month) I’m watching cartoons and singing a song like Old MacDonald:D
#FamilyFun
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Singing and cartoon watching are definitely important parenting skills too! Thanks for stopping by.
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That is actually so true, there are many many skills I now have, I didn’t even realise I was competent in. I can relate to the phonics one, as I now only spell out in the phonic sounds even when not around children, oh dear…I would say one of mine would be that I can hold a conversation with multiple children at the same time, without them realising that I am doing it! Clever eh?! Xx
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Very hard to keep track of child conversations so that’s quite a skill! Thanks for popping by.
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and whoops, meant to say : #kcacols
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Parenting is the one role where you truly do learn new skills every day! #KCACOLS
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OMG, the nail cutting!!! I remember the first time I accidentally nicked my son when I was cutting his nails. Worst feeling ever, I felt like a terrible mom!!! Never knew how suspenseful it’d be to cut a tiny human’s fingernails, haha. Thanks for sharing! ❤ #KCACOLS
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My god, the first time I nicked my son is burned on my brain too. The mum guilt! Everyone does it though.
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haha, who can’t relate to that? However, you need to explain more about a finger up the cat’s bum! Just kidding. I would never ever try it anyway. They can scratch your face within seconds. I am always cautious with cats! baby wipes and food before leaving the house are my new obsession. That and muslins! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.
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Thank you for co-hosting! Baby wipes are the one thing I always regret forgetting the most!
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Haha I love this! Number 3,4 and 5 made me really chuckle! Mine’s probably learning to change a nappy whilst also having to pin down my son to stop him crawling off whilst covered in poo! #KCACOLS
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Oh god yes, that is a challenge for me at the moment too!
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Finding food behind their sofa, your phone under their pillow from when they snuck into your bedroom in the middle of the night to watch YouTube.
Great read, it had me laughing at memories it inspired, wait until they get older #KCACOLS
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Haha I’m sure they’ll be stealing my phone soon!
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how to keep a straight face when child tells you something utterly ludicrous that they believe to be true. eg steak is made from people #kcacols
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Wow, that’s very creative! 😄
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Distinguishing poo and chocolate is oddly difficult. I find the only thing that cleans crayons off any surface is WD40. As strange as it sounds it works. And doesn’t strip paint or wall paper. Also works on carpets. It’s my miracle go to item.
#KCACOLS
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Wow! Thanks for the tip. I’m about to get a new glass door to replace the one permanently decorated in crayon – but it will be good to have an alternative for the future!
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Getting crayon off carpet (papertowels and an iron), removing marker from the dog, getting a kid unstuck (they get stuck everywhere) #KCACOLS
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Good to know the tip about crayon and carpet! Never heard that!
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